


A Thousand More

by Ot5aresoulmates



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU takes place in London at Uni, Alternate Universe, Canon Compliant, Dimension Travel, Fluff, Happy Ending, Harry in LA, Home, If I Could Fly, Louis in London, M/M, OT5 Friendship, The Louis/Original Male Character is a big plot point but isn't scary, as angsty as I can write which isn't very angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 17:50:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18878179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ot5aresoulmates/pseuds/Ot5aresoulmates
Summary: "I have died every day, waiting for you.  Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more"--"A Thousand Years" by Christina PerriHarry wakes up one morning during the separation of April 2015 missing Louis fiercely.  He wonders if they had never  been on the X-Factor would they have met.  Cue the weirdest "dream" he's ever had in which lessons about the course of true love are learned.





	1. Heart Beats Fast

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my awesome, encouraging, kind beta. Blue (@oioilarrie)...you really kicked my butt to finish this and I love you for it.
> 
> Sara (@crosstheuniverse), thank you for creating something so wonderful despite my crap communication.

Four and a half years floats through Harry’s head as he’s pulled from sleep. He’s not sure what woke him. He didn’t set an alarm last night; the sun isn’t up yet, and he doesn’t have a Lou snoring in his ear. _Must have been a dream._ He can’t remember what he was dreaming but he’d bet it was about Louis judging from the warm feeling that has settled in his chest.

 _Four and a half years._ It’s such a strange thought to have first thing in the morning. Harry squints up at the ceiling mulling over the significance of that many years.   _How many days is that?_ It’s way too early in the day to figure it out off the top of his head, and he’s not a maths whiz, but he knows it’s a lot. _What happened four and a half years ago? 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011...and then half of 2010. The X-Factor!  Four and a half years since Lou and I met._

It’s a lot of days spent with his love living their ideal, and sometimes not so ideal, life. They've been lucky enough to spend a lot of those days doing precisely nothing, lounging in bed cuddled up in a tangle of blankets and limbs. There have also been moments where they both wished the world would slow down around them, so they could catch their breath and just be.

To Harry and Louis, days are incredibly important, but nights are maybe even more so. The nights are solely theirs. There are (usually) no calls from management and only the rare calls from family or the other boys. In general, though, everyone knows not to bother them at night unless it is a real emergency.

No matter where the day has taken them, once the sun sets, they retreat inside a bubble where only the two of them exist. The world stops spinning, and they can just be _HarryandLouis_.  He makes a mess of the kitchen trying out new recipes, and Louis cleans it up. Some nights the couch becomes their hiding place. They create a nest of blankets and pillows and watch silly mindless shows on Netflix. Other nights they dance under the stars on the balcony outside their bedroom. Most nights end with them exploring each other’s skin, trying to find routes to places they have never been before. There are always multiple “I love you’s” and soft breathless kisses intertwined with quiet conversations as they drop off to sleep.

For all the times they have been in the same place, existing together, they have also spent time apart, a seemingly unfair amount of time when they have been forced to be separated. When Harry thinks of all the times they have been on opposite sides of the world, it makes his chest ache. They chose the life they lead and by extension, they also chose to have days, sometimes even weeks, where they aren’t together because of what they do. Every so often though, it feels just a bit too overwhelming and sad.

He loves his life, thinks it is pretty perfect most of the time.  There are periods however, probably more than he would like to admit, and enough to make most people call him a poor, spoiled little rockstar, that he truly hates everything he represents and has become. Right now, is one of those times he feels morose and petulant, having reached the point where more than a week is too much time away from his love. And as of today, it has been exactly three weeks since Lou had to leave him in LA and fly to London. Stupid, stupid, stupid London. Stupid, stupid, stupid three weeks.

To: The Boo Bear of My Life:

\----------April 10, 2015----------

4:49 AM: Hey Bear. I am awake. It is cold. And I am miserable.

4:50 AM: Did you know that we were officially put in a band…

4:51 AM: 1722 days ago. That is your useless fact for the day.

He waits a few minutes for Louis to reply and then decides he should just get up and be productive with his day.  He doesn’t. Instead, he rolls over to Louis’ side of the bed and starts counting sheep. _1, 2, 3…457, 458_. The sheep from his imagination look so warm and soft. He wants to snuggle with them until their softness lulls him to sleep. Truthfully, he wants to snuggle with his Boo, but the imagination sheep would work fine too.

Just as his eyes become too heavy to stay open, he hears his phone buzz from the bedside table. He can feel his cheeks warming with excitement as he grins to himself, eyes still closed. He knows Louis’ penchant for rapid-fire texting, so he doesn’t even bother to pick it up until it stops buzzing for a good five minutes.

5:16 AM: Haz you are in LA. I am sure it isn’t cold.

5:16 AM: Did you leave the air con up too high again?

5:16 AM: I resent the fact that you just called one of the greatest days of my life useless. ☹

5:19 AM: Did you do the maths in your head or did you use a calculator?

5:20 AM: You young’uns should have finished school before we started on this stardom journey.

5:20 AM: Liam can’t spell for shit.

5:20 AM: Niall can barely get a coherent sentence out half the time.

5:21 AM: Zayn…well Z is the smartest of the lot (me excluded)

5:21 AM: And you my love must use a calculator to do basic maths.

5:22 AM: Why are you awake?

5:22 AM: Did you have a nightmare?

5:22 AM: Are you feeling alright?

5:22 AM: Do I need to get Nialler to come and check on you? I think he is in LA.

5:22 AM: He got in last night.

5:23 AM: Oh wait, he’s on his flight right now.  

5:23 AM: Do I need to call and sing you a lullaby?

5:24 AM: I’m gonna call and sing you a lullaby.

5:29 AM: Oh Boo, you know I didn’t mean that day was useless. How could I ever think that the first day of…us…was useless????? ☹  The number of days was like a useless trivia fact.  Although it is kind of interesting. 1722 is a lot of days.

5:31 AM: I know you are writing with Payno and Julian right now, so you don’t need to call and sing me a lullaby. Just send me the audio file of whatever you work on.

5:33 AM: You make my heart melt into a puddle of goo. I’ll send you the file when we’re done. This may come as a surprise but it’s for you.    

5:33 AM: I don't need Niall to come and check on me. I am not sick. I don't think I had a nightmare. The air con is right where it should be. I'm fine. Just moody and missing you.  Nothing new really. Your need to take care of me is sweet though. Thanks Boo.

5:34 AM:  Aren’t they all for me?

5:35 AM: And I will have you know that my education was stellar. I only used the calculator because I was too tired to do the maths in my head.

5:36 AM: Li says to tell you that while he loves you, he needs a writing partner, not a ball of “fluff and mush” so stop sending me “sweet nothings.”

5:36 AM: Totally his words not mine.

5:38 AM: I take back my comment about you taking care of me you mean, mean man. You aren't sweet. You’re a menace and I have decided I don't miss you at all.

5:39 AM: I know your education was stellar baby. I miss you too.

5:40 AM: They ARE all for you.  Don’t tell anyone though.

5:40 AM: Tell Mr. Payne…in the arse…HE can suck my big toe.[ I even labeled it for ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ExtqhMQXqc)[ him. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ExtqhMQXqc)

5:41 AM: I already smacked him upside the head.  Don’t worry.

5:41 AM: Is "big toe" innuendo? Because if you're offering...just make sure you shave it first.

5:45 AM: Haz?

5:45 AM: Haaaazzzzyyyy?

5:45 AM: H

5:45 AM: a

5:45 AM: r

5:45 AM: r

    5:46 AM: I am asleep.

5:46 AM: y Edward Styles

5:47 AM: I’m glad you are asleep My Love. I’ll call you later. I love you in every country in the world.

5:48 AM: It’s Tomlinson. I love you too darling. xx

Harry sighs happily as he drops the phone on the pillow next to his head. When they were younger, and everything was still new and a bit ( _more than a bit_ ) scary, they would play a game they created, to reassure themselves. The point of the game was to remind them both that no matter where they were in the world, if they were together, it was all okay. One of them would ask, “Would you still love me in…” and then list random countries. The other would respond with some version of, “Of course babe.  I’d even love you in…” The countries got more and more obscure, the longer they played.

They didn’t play because they were unsure of each other. From day one, they had never doubted what they had or that they would be together even when their fifteen minutes of fame, or however long it lasted, ended. They played because the life they chose could be chaotic, awe-inspiring, big, bright, and quite frightening; Playing helped ground them. Eventually, once life settled down into their type of normal, they stopped. But now, whenever they want their “I love you’s” to mean more than the simple phrase they have used millions of time, they add a country to the end.

Harry is still grumpy and misses Louis like he would miss his right arm, but he feels better than he did an hour ago. Now he just needs to decide if he is going to go back to sleep, or if he should drag his sorry arse out of bed for some sunrise yoga.  He stretches his toes down toward the bottom of the bed, a deep groan resonating in his chest, as he feels his spine elongate. His back twinges more than it usually does. _Yoga would definitely help me to work out all my aches and pains._  

He goes back forth for a few minutes beofe deciding to let Louis choose for him.

5:56 AM: I may have lied a teeny tiny bit. I’m not actually asleep.

5:57 AM: Should I lay here and try to catch some more zzz’s, or should I be productive and do some yoga?

6:00 AM: *GASP* you lied to me? And an even bigger *GASP* to your question.

6:00 AM: 1722 days Harold and you are asking me if you should sleep or do yoga? Do you not know me at all?

6:02 AM: You’re right. I can’t believe I even asked. Silly me I am going to get up and do yoga. Enjoy the rest of your writing session. I can’t wait to hear what you guys come up with. Xx

6:03 AM: Exactly what I expected Babe. Make sure to do some downward facing dog for me. *Big sloppy kiss*

6:04 AM: PS…Please don’t use “catch some zzz’s” again. It’s just embarrassing, innit? I can’t be seen in public with you if you embarrass me. Those are just the consequences.  Sorry. xx

He crinkles his nose up in a fond smile and rolls back over to Louis’ side of the bed. What would he do without his boy? _Luckily, I’ll never have to find out._ His eyes slip closed, body melting in to the mattress. He tries to fight it, but he knows once the battle starts, sleep always wins.

 _So much for sunrise yoga_ . His mind begins to wander as sleep starts to pull him under. His last coherent thought is, _I wonder if Lou and I would have still found each other if we’d never met at the X-Factor._ Then, he is out, snoring softly into a pillow that miraculously still smells like his love.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Harry wakes up, a few hours later, to a rumbling stomach, and a face full of cat fur. _Cat fur? We don’t have a cat_.  He sits up dislodging the white fluff ball curled up near his head. The fluff ball gives him a hurt look, turns tail, and saunters out of the room.

He looks around, and even with sleep blurry eyes, he can tell he isn’t in his own bed. His presence is all over the room though.  His favorite purple “Jack Wills” sweatshirt, which hasn't seen the world outside their London house in years, is on the back of a chair.  There are rings scattered all over his dresser, and a myriad of Chelsea boots along one wall. _Why are my things in someone else’s room? Why am I in someone else’s room?_ He rubs his eyes sleepily and tries to clear his head.

Before he gives in to the panic bubbling up in his chest, he tries to think of the last thing he can remember. He recalls waking up at an unholy hour and feeling grumpy about missing Louis. Then they texted. He decided to get up and do some yoga but, fell back to sleep instead. _Maybe I’m dreaming._ He glances around the room again,trying to find clues. _If this is a dream, it is the weirdest dream I’ve ever had._

He feels like he is missing something, something important, a critical piece of information. “Dreams…dreams…dreams,” he mumbles. _Lucid dreaming! That’s what it’s called. Is that even possible? According to someone, somewhere, it is. Didn’t the psychic that Niall and I saw that one time in New Orleans say that lucid dreams were a sign of something…what was it?_ He wracks his brain for the words she had used.

“Unawakened clairvoyance,” he shouts, his voice ricocheting off the walls.

“Yo wanker, shut up. I may have had a few too many pints at the pub last night,” someone from the next room yells as they beat on the wall next to him.

 _Was that an Irish accent?_ “Niall?” he calls out.

“Who the fuck else would it be? Now can we stop shouting?”  The voice, apparently Niall, hollers. “Be a civilized person and enter a room before you try and talk to someone. If you need to talk to me bad enough, you can come and cuddle me.” The room falls silent again. Harry sits on the bed, not moving, trying to work out what is happening. Just as he finally works up the courage to climb out of the bex, he hears Niall call softly, “please come cuddle me. I need cuddles.”

Harry’s gaze wanders around the room for a few more minutes but all he manages to do is confuse himself even more. _This is just a really vivid dream._ It’s the only explanation that makes any sort of sense. _Maybe I ate something bad last night. I am definitely researching dreams once I wake up. I guess dream me should go and annoy dream Niall. Oh! If I am lucid dreaming maybe I can cuddle with my imaginary sheep!_

Weak banging starts up on his wall just as a phone beeps next to him; at least he thinks it’s a phone. He’s not sure a flip phone really counts but it definitely made a noise, so it must work. 1 Received Message the screen says. _How do I even work this thing?_ After a few seconds of random button pushing, the message pops open. It’s from Niall, _dream Niall._

\---Nialler---

Dude. Seriously. Bring me some

parace…

Received: 13:16-Sat, 8 Mar 2014

 

The phone shakes in his hand, surprising him. He snaps it shut and holds it flat on his palm, waiting for it to do something else. What though, he’s not sure. When nothing else happens, he opens it up and once again, pushes random buttons until he can read the new message waiting for him.  

 

\---Nialler---

I’m too hungover to spell. 

Bring me the good stuff and

some water too. PLEASE?????

Received: 13:15-Sat, 8 Mar 2014

 

The date on the text message sends a chill up his spine, but he pushes it away and instead focuses on Niall. _Geez, dream Niall is so needy. If I am in a lucid dream, I should be able to make him less whiny, right?_ He rolls his eyes and releases an exasperated sigh. _Okay, I need to stop having conversations with myself and start figuring out this lucid dreaming thing. Niall first.  Then research. It would be really cool if I could do all my learning while I was asleep. Make dream me do all the work._

The banging on the wall starts up again, much more insistent this time. “I’m coming. I’m coming,” he groans loudly as he climbs out of the bed. _I cannot wait to tell Lou about this when I wake up._ He walks out into the hall and pushes open the door to what he assumes is dream Niall’s room. Only it isn’t. This room is all Louis: football kits scattered everywhere, dirty dishes cluttering the desk, the skateboard, that Harry hasn't seen him ride in at least a year, sticking out of the closet.

He scrubs at his eyes, trying to clear the last remenants of sleep from them. _Why are my random items in one strange room, and Lou's in another?_ There are pictures lining the walls, including way too many of Louis with some guy. The same guy over and over again. Funny pictures. Silly pictures. Serious pictures. Cute pictures.  And… _are those kissing pictures? Is Louis kissing whoever this guy is?_

 _What the actual hell? Why is my brain doing this to me? Like seriously. What the actual hell?_ He frantically shakes his head, hoping it will help jolt his brain awake. When it doesn’t work, he starts chanting, “okay brain. Time to wake up. Wake up. Wake the fuck up.” Nothing happens. He tries again. “It’s time to wake up. This isn’t funny. Come on. Come on. Come on.”

He reaches up and not so gently, slaps himself. He can feel the tears building in his eyes, and his throat begins to clog. _This is supposed to be a dream. I should be able to wake up. Why aren't I waking up?_ _What kind of nightmare is this?  Something is very wrong. This cannot be happening. What is going on?_

He is starting to spin out of control, his breathing getting shallow and fast. He isn’t sure he can stand up much longer, so he collapses on to the bed, _dream Louis’ bed_ , a gut-wrenching sob is pulled from him. He hears a noise from the door and his head snaps up.  

“Harry. HARRY! What’s wrong? Harry look at me,” dream Louis demands. “What happened?”

The last thing he sees is Louis’ beautiful face staring down at him as he grips Harry’s head between his hands. The last thing he hears is his own sobs mixed with Louis’ gentle pleading. The last thing he thinks, before he mercifully sinks into darkness is, _what if this isn’t a dream? Please let this be a dream._ And then, everything goes black.


	2. Time Stands Still

Harry slowly comes to, all his senses dulled and a little sluggish, like when he is floating in a pool.  Everything in his head is a bit thick and all sounds seem far away. He wants to reach out and grab something, anything, but his arms feel weighed down and the effort just isn't worth it.  _ This is so weird. _  He starts cataloging everything his brain can hold on to, mostly words,  _ dream, cat, sleep, Niall, panic, darkness. _ Then an image,  _ Louis. _  His eyes fly open and he takes in a huge gulp of air, startling whoever is crouched down next to him.

“Harry. Mate. Are you okay?” A familiar voice cuts through the fog in his brain, “Harry, you’re really startin’ to scare me.”

“Lou? What are you doing here? I mean, I’m - I’m so, so glad you are, but how did you get here from London so fast?” The words tumble from his mouth; he couldn’t stop them if he tried. “I thought I passed out, which is a really weird experience to wake up from, not at all like I thought it would be, but since you are here, maybe I just fell asleep harder than I thought. You will not believe the dream I—”

“Harry. You need to slow down,” Louis interrupts, his brow furrowed. “I can barely catch what you’re saying.” Harry knows he probably isn’t making much sense and he doesn’t want to scare Louis, so he closes his eyes and counts to ten to slow his heart down.

“There’s a good lad,” Louis soothes. Harry wants to reach out and smooth the worry line between Louis’ eyes, but something holds him back. “What do you mean ‘here’ from London? We are both in London, have been for a long time, mate. And, you did pass out. Proper scared me out of my mind. I walked in to my room to find you having a full-blown panic attack and then you just dropped like a fly.”

A strange voice, coming from down by his feet, cuts in. “Um, babe? What’s going on? Why is Harry laying on your bed?”

Harry shakes his head, trying to clear it.  _ Did someone, some stranger, just call Louis, my Louis, babe?   _ He glances in the direction the voice came from and sees [ the guy from Lou’s pictures](https://www.thehairstyler.com/celebrity-hairstyles/jeremy-irvine) standing there looking less than happy. Harry quickly gives him a once over. He’s got strawberry blonde hair, almost as spikey as Niall’s usually is, broad shoulders, and is tall.  _ Who is this prick? _

He turns his head to look at Louis and catches him rolling his eyes. They make eye contact, the corner of Louis’ mouth quirking up in a small smile. He must see something alarming on Harry’s face though because his smile drops and his face clouds over with worry as he reaches out to push the hair off Harry’s forehead.

“Chris, not right now. Harry isn’t feeling well.” Louis idly continues to comb through the front of Harry’s hair. “He must have come looking for me and fallen asleep. I’m just gonna get him settled in his own room and I’ll meet you in the living room when I’m done.”

“Lou—” the guy presses.

“Chris, seriously, I’ll be right there.” Louis says firmly.

“Fine.” The stranger,  _ Chris,  _ spins around and stomps off down the hall. Harry thinks he hears him murmur “-so obvious. It’s always about Harry. Harry this and Harry that…” but isn’t quite sure. Louis stops fiddling with his hair and tenses up next to him. When Harry looks at him, his hands are balled up at his sides, eyes closed unnaturally tight, and lips pursed in his signature “are you kidding me” look. He must not have misheard then.

“Lou?” Harry asks, voice shaking. He takes a deep breath, trying to think of what to say next because none of this makes any sense. “Lou, I-I’m - so confused. I think I am stuck in a dream. Why can’t I wake up? Why would I even have a dream like this?”

“A dream like what Harry?”

“A dream where - a dream where you call someone else babe. A dream where we aren’t together.” Harry runs his fingers roughly through his hair noticing for the first time how much shorter it is than usual.

Louis stares at him, eyes wide, for a few seconds, and then lays a hand on his forehead.

“No fever,” he mumbles. “No visible bumps on the head. No bleeding.” Harry knows Louis is running through the checklist he does when one of his younger siblings gets hurt. Next, he will ask if he hit his head.

“Did you hit your head?”  Harry shakes his head no.

“Do you hurt anywhere?” Harry whispers quietly as Louis says, “do you hurt any-"

Louis glances at him, eyes wide, startled. “Okay Harry,” he draws out Harry’s name in puzzlement. “Obviously, you aren’t feeling well. It probably isn’t anything a little bit of sleep won’t fix. You and Niall were out really late last night. Chris and I heard you when you came in. I bet all of this is just a stinking hangover. Let’s get you to bed.”

“NO!” Harry yells, his voice much stronger than he expected. “I don’t want to sleep. I am sick of sleeping. There is something going on. I am not hungover! I haven’t had anything to drink since we went out to ‘Lost and Found’ the night before you left LA. That was what three weeks ago?” Harry feels like it has been a lifetime since that night at the bar. His jaw starts to quiver and he grips Louis’ duvet. “This is ridiculous. If I’m not dreaming, then what the fuck is happening?” His voice, which had started out so strong, is now small and laced with utter desperation.

“Harry, I don’t know what is going on, but whatever it is, I am sure you’ll figure it out. I think the best thing for you to do is to go lay down and try to at least rest,” Louis responds softly. He stands and places his hands out in front of him as if he is approaching a wounded animal.  He looks at Harry like he might bolt any second, or worse, start beating his head against the wall.

Harry considers him for a few beats and then acquiesces. “Yeah, you are probably right, Boo. I think I’ll try and rest. I think I’m gonna stay here if that’s okay with you.  This bed is so comfortable, and I like having pieces of you around. It makes me feel…safe.”

“Um…yeah. Okay. That would be—I mean—Yeah you can stay here if you want. Chris and I—we—lunch,” Louis stammers. He pinches the bridge of his nose and breathes deeply, then continues, “what I am trying to say is Chris and I are going to grab some lunch. I can just wake you up when we get back, if that is okay.”

“Yeah that sounds fine, Lou. Thank you. Love you.” Harry’s words slur together as he lays back on Louis’ pillow, his eyes already slipping closed.  _ Who knew dreaming, or hallucinating, or whatever this is, could make someone so tired. _

He feels Louis place a blanket gently over him, and then hears him tiptoe to the door where he pauses for a second and lets out a small sigh. Even though Harry feels like he could sleep for days he strains to hear what happens once Louis leaves the room.  

“What the hell was that all about,” Chris hisses, his voice much too close to have come from the lounge.

_ I hate that guy _ . Harry holds his breath as he tries to catch every word of their conversation. _ Geez Styles, hypocrite much?  _ He can’t really be bothered to care right now though.

“Seriously, Lou, he is so weird. There is no way all of that wasn’t just a ploy to get back in your good graces.” Harry cracks one of his eyes open and sees the back of Chris in the doorway, his arms crossed defensively. He shifts from one foot to the other and continues, “And, he called you Boo. I mean, come on. This has to stop. He is crossing a line, using you like this. It is ridiculous.”

_ Hallucination me _ — _ dream me, whatever _ — _ must have upset hallucination Louis. What an idiot. _ _ If I’m still here when I wake up, maybe I can fix it.   _

“That is not true Chris, and you know it.” Louis whispers harshly. "Harry may have been a…right tit lately, but he isn’t manipulative. He wouldn’t try and trick me in to having sympathy for him.” Louis’ tone softens. “Let’s just drop it and go get lunch. I’ll figure it all out when we get back.”

Just as the front door opens, Harry hears “I don’t like him, Lou. I think you should come and stay with me for a while.”  

Louis replies placatingly, “We can talk about it later Chris, but can we just forget it for right now?” And then they are gone.

Harry lays still for a few minutes, mulling over what he just heard but coming to no conclusions.   _ I really hope this is the last time I go to sleep for a long time _ .  _ Hopefully, when I wake up, everything will be better.  _ Then, he gladly slips into darkness for the third time in as many hours.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *  


Once he wakes up, he knows instantly he is not back in his and Lou’s bed in LA. His biggest clue is the face full of cat he is once again confronted with.  _ Whose cat is this?   _ The only thing comforting about this bed is that it smells like Louis, but it also kind of doesn’t, which… _ sucks _ . Refusing to open his eyes, he runs his fingers through his hair, confirming what he has already guessed; it is much  [ shorter ](https://www.thinglink.com/scene/730869741152894978) than it  [ should be ](http://whatdafreshhell.tumblr.com/post/112608136082/styles-watch-2-march-2015) .

He peeks one eye open and quickly takes in his surroundings.  _ Of course. Of course, I wouldn’t be lucky enough to not still be here, in this stupid dream— hallucination—whatever this is. Fucked up is what it is. Completely and totally fucked up. _

He huffs loudly and sits up, irritating the cat again. He isn’t just scared of what is happening anymore, he’s also angry. He wants to hit something and curse whoever or whatever landed him in this nightmare. He wants to scream at the top of his lungs until someone listens and helps him out. But, what he really truly wants, is to be with his Louis. LA, London, Outer Mongolia, it doesn’t matter where, as long as he is with his boy.

The rational side of him knows that no one else is going to come to his rescue and in order to help himself, he needs to leave Louis’ room. He won’t figure out what is happening if he keeps hiding or falling asleep. While he would really love to play the damsel in distress, and the thought of Louis dressed as a prince, riding up on a white steed to come and rescue him, seems utterly intoxicating, the reality of his situation is a little less sexy.

_ I am going to give myself five minutes to sit here and have a proper strop and then I will…  _ his moping is interrupted when he hears a loud guffaw from the front room. The only person he knows who  [ laughs like that is Niall ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJNu-FKaW5o) .  Even if he is in a terrible mood, and is apparently stuck in this hell dream, maybe a familiar face will help him sort all this out.       


Harry tiptoes down the hall and peeks around the corner. He sees Louis and Niall sprawled out on a couch that has seen better days. He stands there silently, just out of view, and listens to them talk.

“I’m telling you, Niall. It was the weirdest thing. It was like Harry didn’t know where he was or even who he is. Chris thinks he was acting that way to get some sympathy out of me, but I just don’t know. I mean he has been such a twat lately, but the look in his eyes…” Louis’ voice trails off.

“We did get totally smashed last night, dude. It’s probably just a weird side effect of his hangover. He was so pissed, he was like giving it out left and—”

“No offense, Horan, but I don’t want to hear what Harry was up to last night.”

“Green is not a good color on you, Lou,” Niall teases him.

“Niall—” Louis warns, his voice dropping scarily low, “I am not in the mood for this. I am not jealous. There is no reason for me to be jealous. I have Chris. I care about Chris. And Harry, he has—well his pick of anyone really. Except me.  Not that he’d ever want me…and anyway I’m with Chris.”

Harry wants to run into the room and make him understand how wrong he is; tell him that it doesn’t matter what he is dreaming, or whatever universe they ever find themselves in, he has loved Louis since he was sixteen years old and he will continue to love him for the rest of forever.  _ In every country in the world. _

“Alright Lou. ’M sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think that if you—”

  “No, Niall! Just stop. Please. We can talk about literally anything else but this. I can’t handle talking about this,” Louis pleads.

Niall looks at Louis thoughtfully and then says “Of course, Lou. What else do you want to talk about?”

“The biggest issue right now is what is up with Harry. He thought we were together. Like together, together. He called me Boo and told me he loves me.” Louis sounds bewildered.  “Apparently, he thinks we were in LA three weeks ago. I mean what if he has really cracked, mate? Like screw loose, a few eggs shy of a dozen, padded room, cracked. You didn’t see what I saw.” His voice breaks on the last word.

“You’re right. I didn’t see it, but, I did hear it. He was bloody loud. Made my hangover even shittier.” The room goes silent for a few seconds and then Niall says, “Hey, stop looking at me like that. I know this isn’t about me. All I’m saying is he was proper loud, dude. Just a fact.”

Harry clamps his mouth shut to stop the laughter bubbling in his chest. If he weren’t afraid of being caught eavesdropping, he would just let it out because this conversation is so familiar. He and all the boys have sat through some version of it countless of times. He can just imagine the looks on Louis and Nialls faces, and those images make him feel so much better than he has since this whole thing started.

_ I can’t believe it has only been a few hours. It feels more like a century or something. All this stress is making me lose at least a decade off my life. _

“Do you really think he has cracked, Tommo? I mean Harry has always been an odd duck. Was he high? Zayn has brought some questionable weed home, the last few times. Made me think I could fly. Maybe he and Harry split a spliff last night after we got back from the pub.”

Louis giggles and the sound is music to Harry’s ears. “No, Niall. I have seen Harry high on everything from the good stuff to the questionable stuff to the really and truly terrible stuff. One time we even—nope, not the time for that story. My point is, I have seen pretty much every version of Harry at this point, and he wasn’t high. That wasn’t what this was. Stop being so unhelpful and just...help me.”

Harry hears them wrestling around and then Niall gasps. “Fine!  Geez, Tommo. Uncle,” he shrieks. “I said uncle. Always so violent you are”

“Talking like Yoda you are,” Louis jokes in his best Yoda impersonation. “Stop being a knobhead, you must.”

_ Truly terrible that Yoda voice is _ .  Harry laughs silently to himself.

“Oi! There is no need for name calling, Lewis,” Niall wheezes, out of breath from wrestling with Louis.  “Why don’t we wait and see how he is when he wakes up? Maybe, it really is just a bad, trippy hangover and all he needed to do was sleep it off. When I passed your room earlier,  he looked pretty knocked out, spread out in the middle of the bed, with drool all over his chin. I am sure he is fine, but if he isn’t, we’ll figure it out. Okay?”

“Sure,” Louis’ reply is hesitant. “He’ll be fine. Maybe I should go wake him up. See how he is.”

Harry sprints back to the bedroom as silently as he can and then noisily stumbles back down the hall, pretending to have just woken up. He falls into the front room and squints his eyes like the light is bothering him.

“You okay there, H?” Niall chuckles.

“Yeah. Yeah.” He fake yawns. “How long was I out for?” His eyes flick over to Louis, he blushes, and then looks back down at his feet.

“Almost five hours,” Louis answers. “Did you sleep alright?  How are you feeling? Do I need to call 999 and have the looney bin come and take you away?” He laughs nervously, joke falling flat.

“No, Lou. I think I am feeling much better. You were right. I just needed to sleep. You know what they say ‘Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.’ Stop me next time, Niall, will ya?” Harry rambles on. “I think I am going to go, um, make something to, um, eat.” He looks up and tries to inconspicuously figure out where the kitchen is.

“Can I make anything, um, for anyone?”

“Nope, I ordered a pizza. You know what they say about pizza after a hangover, don’t you?” Niall asks.

Harry stares at him. “Um…no.”

“Oh, well, neither do I. Pizza just sounded good to my hungry tummy. If you find out what ‘they’ say, let me know.” Niall shrugs his shoulders and winks at him.

Harry rolls his eyes and turns to Louis. “Lou?”

“No, I’m all good, Harry. Chris and I had a late lunch. Thanks, though.”

_ Right. Chris.  _ Harry had almost forgotten about him. “Well, I’ll just go eat then,” he says as he tries to back out of the room, not looking at what’s behind him, and runs into the wall. His head makes a loud  _ thunking _ sound as it hits the plaster board, and he gazes up at the ceiling, too embarrassed to look anywhere else.

He hears Louis snort and his head falls forward to look at him. The smirk on his face is Harry’s favorite. “Ya alright, baby giraffe?”

“Haha—yeah—all good,” Harry laughs, and winces at how fake it sounds. “I’ll just be going now—to the kitchen—to make something to eat.”

He throws Louis one last glance, and the look Louis gives him tells Harry he sees right through Harry’s  _ “I’m totally normal now” _ act. His stomach growls loudly before he can say anything else, so he heads for the kitchen.  _ Could you have been any more embarrassing you idiot?  Running in to the wall…why is that such a me thing to do? Oh well, I’ll just have to come up with a better plan later. At least I found the kitchen without any trouble. That makes me look normal. Right? _

“See what I mean?” Louis whispers.

“Yeah. That was weird but I’m sure we’ve all seen weirder from Harry before,” Niall stage whispers back.  

“Niall. Talk quieter. He’ll hear you, you big oaf.”

Just then, the doorbell rings. “Pizza’s here!” Niall trills loudly. “It’s about fuggin’ time.”

_ I am really going to have to work on this “normal” thing. Operation: Act Like a Normal Human Being Around Louis (and all the other people in this dream world) and Operation: Get Back to My Real Life will both commence after I eat something…and make an actual plan. This will be easy. I can do this. _

He starts throwing cupboards and drawers open, looking for something to eat. All he manages to find are some stale biscuits, milk that has most definitely gone off, and moldy half-full take-away containers.

The lack of anything edible is what truly sours the somewhat decent mood listening to Niall and Louis put him in.  _ I can’t do this,  _ he silently screams. _ I am going to starve to death, or I am going to be stuck here forever. Whichever comes first. I am completely and utterly screwed. _


	3. I Will Not Let Anything Take Away

Harry doesn’t starve to death which isn’t much of a shock. When he goes to bed the first night, he hopes he will wake up in his real life.  The next morning, he opens his eyes and sees the same strange room as the day before which also isn’t much of a shock.  _ Stuck it is. _

He spends his first three days, alternately hiding in his room and tricking the boys into playing a sneaky game of “This is Your Life Harry Styles.” After each round, Harry runs to his room and writes down everything he learned while everyone stares at him suspiciously and whispers behind his back.   _ Maybe…not so sneaky then _ . He knows they all think he’s lost the plot, and he can’t really disagree with them.

He carries around a quick reference list of all the little tidbits and facts he has learned. So many thoughts and opinions swirl through his head about it all, that a permanent headache settles behind his left eye.  As a second year uni student at the University of East London, Other Harry is studying English Literature and Creative Writing. He lives in a four bedroom flat with Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn, all of whom also attend UEL.  _ A flat is better than a tour bus. _

The sixth occupant of their flat is a happy surprise for Harry, a fluffy grey and white kitten named Fish.  He never asks who she belongs to because they all feed her and love her equally. It is clear she is everyone’s favorite flatmate. He assumes he is her favorite though, because every time he wakes up, she is wrapped around his head. Harry falls in love with her instantly.

He tries to ask the boys about his childhood without arousing any more suspicion but doesn’t succeed based on the cross-eyed looks he gets every time he tries to nonchalantly bring it up. Everything he learns appears to be almost exactly how he remembers it. Holmes Chapel. Gemma. His parent’s separation when he was seven. His Mum and Robin. Working in the bakery. Even the band he formed in secondary school, White Eskimo. Check, check and check.  _ At least not everything has changed. _

One of the biggest differences he learns is that he and Niall grew up together. They met when they were six after Niall moved to Holmes Chapel from Mullingar with his Dad and brother and was placed in Harry's Year Two class.  _ He’s so Irish, I’m not sure how he survived Holmes Chapel _ . Liam joined their “gang,” as Niall calls it, when they were fourteen when he moved to HC with his family. 

“It was never a gang, Neil. Gangs do not consist of three mama’s boys who anyone would be well within their rights describing as actual kittens,” Louis would declare when Niall brought it up, which led to an argument every time.    

“Liam, Zayn, and me? We were a real gang,” Louis gloats one afternoon after Harry coaxes them into another round of his game of life.  “The Bradford Bad Boy. The Sassmaster from Doncaster, and, well, Daddy Right Direction. Always trying, and failing, to keep us on the straight path. No gang is without its moral compass. People were terrified of us. Probably still would be, if it weren’t for kitten one and kitten two. Brought down our street cred, you did.”

“Pfft. You’ve got no street cred, Lou. People were only scared that you’d talk them to death. Now, me?  I have always been a bit of a bad boy. It’s the Irish in me. Just ask Harry. Right, Harry?” Niall defends himself.

Harry, not wanting to get in the middle of their argument, attempts to stall. “Oh—um—Niall the bad boy…”

“ [ Niall the bad boy? ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unt8MqHrP88) Give it a rest. Niall the church boy more like.”  Louis retorts mockingly.

“Absolutely rubbish best mate ya are, H. Thanks for backing me up, ya clown.” Niall smacks Harry on the back of the head and then turns to argue with Louis some more.

Liam met Zayn, both Computer Games Development majors, in their second term of Uni when they were grouped together for a project in one of their shared classes. Louis and Zayn were paired as roommates the same year. The three of them quickly became inseparable. When Harry and Niall started Uni, an instant five point friendship felt like the most natural thing in the world to all of them.

Harry is initially surprised to learn Louis is an Early Childhood Development Major, but it really does make total sense. Real Louis would have made a great teacher. The way he was,  _ the way he IS _ , with children has always made Harry’s heart beat in a rather embarrassing pitter patter rhythm and creates a deep longing to have at least a footie team’s worth of babies with him. Alternate Louis’ love of children appears to be no different.

Having these boys, his brothers, around him still, is the best part of being stuck in this place.   _ Even if they do think I’m a nutter. _  They are slightly different versions of their doppelgangers, but at their core, they are the same.

Niall still laughs the same, eats the same, and drinks Guinness like it is water. Liam’s eyes crinkle in the same way every time he smiles. It seems, he will never, in any universe, be able to spell and he is as focused on his future as 16-year-old real world Liam had been. Zayn’s tendency to retreat into himself is unchanged; he still disappears for hours while creating art or writing poetry, and he will always be the best person to be around when you just need to think.

Then there is Louis. Alternate Louis is an enigma to Harry. When at least one of the other boys is around, Louis is loud, loud and loud, everything Real Louis is. He fills every room he enters. People orbit around him, and it isn’t just because he commands their attention. He is kind, funny, compassionate and keeps them all on their toes. He makes everyone feel included. Harry knows all of this about his Louis and he loves that it is all still just as true here.

Whenever he and Louis find themselves alone though, Louis shuts down. Harry can barely get him to make eye contact, let alone talk about anything other than basic chit chat. It is awkward, and he hates it. There has never been any awkwardness between him and Real Louis. They have always been open books with each other right from the very start. The weirdness between Alternate Louis and Other Harry makes his whole situation seem harder.   

It is obvious something happened between this Louis and this Harry, but he has yet to figure out what it is. Every time he brings it up, no matter how vague he tries to be, they all clam up and shut him out. They play along with his “This is Your Life Harry Styles” game because they love him, but evidently whatever the issues Other Harry and Alternate Louis have are off limits.

There’s also Chris. Dumb, rude, idiotic Chris. He refuses to call Chris as Louis’ boyfriend. In his head, he is “that fucking idiot Chris,” or T-fic for short. Out loud though, he is just “that guy” who is always at their flat. He never addresses Chris directly unless he has no other choice, and even then, he uses as few words as possible.

He has become ace at making himself scarce when T-fic is around.  He can barely tolerate hearing his voice, cannot stand looking at his face and absolutely refuses to watch him touch Louis.  _ His Louis.  _ Chris and Louis, together, drive him to distraction. None of the others seem to mind him though, so the best Harry can do, when he sees Chris, is hide.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *  


When he wakes up in a bed that isn’t his, in a flat he just can’t bring himself to call home, for the fourth day in a row, Harry decides he has done too much self-pitying and not enough of being the master of his own destiny. He needs to find some answers. He decides to start with Google.  _ Do they still have Google in this time? _ He shakes his head irritably and mutters “Of course they have Google, you idiot. It’s 2014. Not like the 1980’s. Get it together, Styles.”

As he grabs his laptop, he sends up a prayer that there won’t be a password on it. His prayer goes unanswered; the laptop needs a pin.   _ Yeah this should be easy. _ He tries his birthday.  _ 0102\.  _ “Password is incorrect,” his laptop kindly informs him. He tries Louis’ birthday.  _ 2412. _  He’s wrong again. He continues trying every combination of numbers he can come to think of think of that would have any importance to Other Harry. His Mum’s birthday? Nope.  Gemma’s birthday? Of course not. The year Louis was born? The year he was born? A combination of the two? Fail. Fail. Fail.

Even after what must be his millionth and one try, the computer hasn’t locked him out yet. Out of sheer irritation with the entire process, he starts trying numbers that would be important to him in the real world. His and Louis’ anniversary.   _ 2809 _ . The date all their albums were released.  _ 1811\. 0911. 2511. 1711. _

He doesn’t want to give up and ask one of the boys to loan him their computers. He wants to be the one in control, and he will not let the stupid computer beat him. As a last ditch effort, he tries  _ 2307 _ , the date One Direction was formed. The computer thinks for a minute and miraculously, it works. He makes a mental note to figure out why that date is important to Other Harry.

Over the course of the next couple of hours, he googles every possibility he can think of: dreams, lucid dreams, psychic dreams  _ (there are way too many types of dreams) _ , hallucinations, and fate. None of them seem to fit. 

Everything he has experienced in the last few days feels too real to be a dream. If he were having a lucid dream, he would know he was dreaming. He reads words like ‘micro-wakefulness,’ ‘having insight’ and ‘exert control.’ He doesn’t feel like he has any control over anything that is happening to him. If he did, he would just end the dream; he certainly wouldn’t choose to be stuck in limbo, not really believing he is dreaming but not being able to find any other plausible explanation.  _ Lucid dreaming isn’t the answer.  _ He is clearly not a clairvoyant and while sometimes he wishes that he could see the future, he can’t, which rules out being precognitive.

When he researches hallucinations, the articles he finds give a better explanation than dreams, but they don’t feel like the right answer either. Maybe the thought of having so serious hallucinations that he creates a whole other life for himself, scares him enough to write-off the theory. But, if his experiences have taught him one thing, it is to trust his instincts, and his instincts say he isn’t hallucinating. All he is left with is fate or alternate universes but his research on those only give him more questions than answers.

He slams his laptop shut and groans in frustration. He glances at the clock and realizes he has missed breakfast, his first class, and is well on his way to missing lunch and his second class. His brain is swimming with all sorts of information and conjecture.  _ I need tea and a cuddle.  Cuddles aren’t so readily available these days, so I will just have to settle for a cuppa.  _

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *  


Harry learns quickly, after finding no food in their flat, that “he” and his friends live off a diet of mostly tea and take-away. It seems that they make some fairly healthy choices, most of the time, though.  There are obvious signs of vegetables in the take-away containers and only one pizza box in the fridge. But, there doesn’t seem to be any food that would require using more than the microwave; unless Liam’s protein powder counts, and it most definitely does not.

After spending the morning conducting mind-melting research, Harry decides to make a trip to Tesco’s to remedy the food situation.  He has always been a bit of a wanderer, so it is exciting that he can walk to and from the shops without being recognized and stopped every five meters. He loves their fans, loves interacting with them, but sometimes he wishes he had a little more anonymity. A trip to Tesco’s also has an added benefit of familiarity. A Tesco’s is a Tesco’s. He’s been shopping there his whole life. Going to Tesco’s is almost like going home. And he is  _ (ridiculously) _ enthusiastic about it.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *  


The trek he is forced to make up the infinite flights of stairs  _ (five is not infinite, you lazy sod) _ at their flat is almost enough to make him contemplate ordering Chinese for dinner. His arms ache from being laden down with bags of groceries which are in Louis’ words, “none of the fun things in life, Harold. I am all for eating healthy-ish, darling, but I need to enjoy life too. There is a time and a place for vegetables, yeah. But there is also a time and a place for eating a pint of ice cream in your pants on the couch.”

Just as Harry is about to unlock the door, he hears mixed voices. He stops and listens, only feeling mildly guilty about eavesdropping.

“We talked about this already, Chris,” Louis’ muffled voice comes through the door, his tone making it very clear that he is done with whatever topic they are discussing.

“You think we did, Louis, but I know you weren’t listening and just trying to appease me.” Chris sounds exasperated. “Babe, please talk to me. I know he was, is, whatever, your best friend. But he is such an arsehole. I tried to like him, but I just can’t. He hurt you and that is not okay.”

“You think I don’t know that he hurt me. I was there. You weren’t,” Louis exclaims. Harry can hear the hurt behind his words and winces.  “I’m not saying I have forgiven him and believe me I know what an arsehole he has been,” Louis concedes, “but he is—something is going on with him. He seems so different, more like My Harry than My Harry even was.”

“Your...Harry,” Chris sputters.

Harry smirks. _ Yes, his Harry, you halfwit. And he is mine. _

“If he is yours, does that mean you are his? Because as your boyfriend I think that is something you should be telling me,” Chris hisses.

“I didn’t mean it like that Chris. I just meant that my  _ friend _ ,” Louis puts emphasis on the word and Harry’s heart sinks, “seems to have finally pulled his head out of his arse and is acting normal again. Well as normal as Harry can act really.”

Chris sounds pained as he says, “Fine, he’s normal and you didn’t mean to imply that you are in love with him—”

“Chris,” Louis bites back, “I never once implied anything about being in love with him.”

Harry hears shifting on the couch and Louis sighs. “Christ can we just stop talking about this? I don’t even understand him right now. Nothing between us has changed. I hardly see him anyway. If I’m not in class or studying, I’m working, or with you. You have nothing to worry about, Chris.”

Chris exhales. “I know I don’t, and I do trust you. I do. I just don’t trust him. I really wish you would consider coming and staying with me,” he mumbles. It goes quiet for a few moments, the silence deafening, even to Harry.  It is finally broken when Chris proclaims, “No! You know what? Don’t come and stay with me, move in with me.” Chris sounds too excited, almost like it’s the best idea he’s ever had.

Harry and Louis gasp in unison.  _ Who does this fucker think he is? _

“Just hear me out, Louis. I know we have only been together for six months, but they have been a great six months,” Chris declares quickly. “It is awkward for you to live with him the way things are…stop shaking your head.  I know it is hard. You can’t deny it. Move in with me. It would just make everything so much easier. We can even just do a trial basis. Please, Louis?”

Harry can hear the pout in Chris’ voice.  _ Shit, Louis is such a sucker for a good pout. Please, oh please, say no.  _ Harry sends up a silent prayer as he holds his breath waiting for Louis' answer.    

“I have three other friends who live here, and I love living with them. They are family to me,” Louis says gently. “How about if I come and stay with you tonight. We haven’t had a romantic evening in too long. Candles, cuddles, a healthy amount of snogging. Then we can see where the night leads.”

Harry’s heart stops. He loathes the idea of anyone else touching Louis. It is always a shock to his system to be confronted with the proof that this Louis is not his. He is with someone else. God does it fucking hurt.  _ At least he isn’t moving out. _ The thought doesn’t make him feel any better, but he’ll take whatever hope he can muster right now.

His ear is pressed close to the door when he hears movement. He jumps back, almost falling over as he tries to make his escape. Someone opens the door just as he starts to run down the stairs. He glances back and catches a glimpse of Chris turning around in the doorway.

“Babe, come on. You’re going to be late for class if we don’t leave right now,” he yells to Louis, whose muffled voice responds, “I’m coming.  Geez, untwist your knickers.”

Harry makes a split second decision to turn around and climb back up the few stairs he has already gone down. He thinks he has a better chance of making it look like he is just getting back than he does of making it to a place where they can’t see him.

He doesn’t really have to pretend to be out of breath as he takes a few steps up to the landing, the adrenaline pumping through him making him breathe heavily. Chris and Louis both look startled when they see him.

“Hey, Lou,” he says softly while nodding his head at Chris. “T-f—Chris. Where are you two off to?”

“None of your business,” Harry hears Chris reply as Louis says, “off to class. What’s in the bags?”

“Oh, just some stuff for the cupboards.” Harry tries to shrug, though laden down with heavy bags, as he is, it comes off more like a shoulder roll. “You know food and what not. I figure we could all use a little less take-away.”

Louis purses his lips and squints at him. “There is a time and a place for a salad, Harry, but there is also a time and place for eating cold pizza in front of the tv.”

“That is very true, Lou.” Harry crinkles his nose and laughs. He decides to be brave and ask Louis if maybe they can hang out later. “Hey, um, Lou would you—”

“Babe,” Chris steps toward Louis while glaring at Harry from the corner of his eye, “we need to go.  You’re already going to be late.” He grabs Louis’ hand and starts tugging.

“Sorry Harry. I gotta go. I’ll catch ya later.” They lock eyes just as Louis reaches the stairs. Harry smiles at him and gives him a small one fingered wave. As Louis turns to follow Chris, his cheeks turn a light shade of pink and he sends a small smile back. Harry internally fist bumps himself.  _ PROGRESS!!! _

He stands in the door for a minute, watching them. Just as they turn the corner out of his sight, he hears, “What a piece of work. He has some nerve acting like things are fine between you two. Can’t he just get a clue that we want nothing to do with him?”

Louis’ response is lost as they go down the next flight of stairs.  Harry lets out a deep sigh as he heads into the flat. He is intent on hanging on to the smile Louis gave him instead of obsessing over the conversation he just overheard. He really tries to think of nothing but Louis’ sweet smile but, he fails miserably, his resolve only lasting about five minutes. The best he can do is crawl into his bed and fall asleep so he won’t be able to think about Louis moving in Chris for a few blissful hours.


	4. I Have Died Everyday

Harry spends the rest of the night eating Chinese from a place down the street ( _so much for less take-away_ ) and re-watching Series 1 of the _Great British Bake off_. He tries to pretend, even just to himself, that he isn’t waiting for Louis to come back from Chris’, but the way he perks up every time he hears a key in the door proves otherwise.

His preoccupation with the conversation between Chris and Louis, plus eating enough Chinese food to feed a family of at least twenty, makes him lethargic and cranky.  Every time he tries to get comfortable, he is unsuccessful, only managing to regret all his life’s decisions. His pained moans drive the boys away. Even Fish, after one too many disturbances, gets fed-up and haughtily saunters from the room, her tail in the air.

“Traitor!  You’re supposed to love and comfort me,” he complains loudly as she heads for the bedrooms.  “That’s just bloody brilliant. Even my cat doesn’t love me. Fine. Go hang out with one of the others.  They will never love you like I do.” He sits up just enough to watch her over the back of the couch. She doesn’t even turn around, but, whenever he tells this story in the future Harry will swear he saw her stop, flip him the bird with one of her dainty little cat paws, and then continue on her merry way.  He falls back with a pitiful groan and doesn’t move again for hours.

When he starts seriously thinking about trying to be a contestant on the next series he realizes it’s half two and time for bed.  Louis obviously isn’t coming home tonight, and he refuses to think about why.

Yawning loudly, he turns off the television and heads for his bedroom.  He refuses to acknowledge Louis’ open door because. _If I don’t see it,_ _it doesn’t exist._ He stumbles around as he undresses, finally falling face first onto his bed.  He has one sock half off, and the other still on, but he can’t be arsed to take off either.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Beams of sunlight hit Harry right in the face the next morning.  He curses himself for not shutting the curtains the night before then adds a second curse for good measure when he realizes he didn’t even climb in to the bed and is now freezing.   _A plague o’ both your houses, and Slugulus Eructo_.  Giggling at the absurdity of cursing himself using both Shakespeare and Harry Potter he climbs off the bed. As he stretches, his lower back twinges, and he lets out a low groan.  Not for the first time he contemplates buying a new bed, but he’s seen Other Harry’s bank account, and a new bed is not in his future. What is in his future is breakfast and his American Literature course.

He scratches his stomach absentmindedly as he pads down the hall in nothing but his pants and socks, his hair an unruly mess.   These versions of his friends are just as used to his penchant for nudity as his real-life boys are. But, he has made up his mind to try out new things in this…place…and wearing at least pants when walking around is one of those things.  So far, he doesn’t love it.

As he rounds the corner into the kitchen he is greeted by the sight of Liam and his rump hanging out of the fridge.  Tiptoeing behind him, Harry jumps up on the counter.

“Hey Li.  You need help finding something?”  Harry says, louder than necessary.

Liam jumps, hitting his head, as he tries to back out of the fridge.  “Fu—shi—Ow. Ow. Bloody ow. That hurts.”   

“C’mere little LiLi and let me have a looksy.  I will make it all better.” Harry puts on his best concerned Mum baby talk voice and motions for Liam to step closer.   

“I don’t need you to mother me, Mummy,” Liam says stiffly even though he steps closer anyway.

Harry spends a few minutes gently prodding Liam’s head looking for the three b’s: bumps, bruises, and blood.  All the time he has spent with Louis and his siblings, especially Phoebe and Daisy, has taught him how to quickly assess potential injuries.  These tricks often come in handy while living on a tour bus with four other boys, who are, rambunctious _(translation:  fearless idiots with no sense of self-preservation)_.

“Well Li, good news is I don’t see any blood.  Bad news is the brain damage is probably irreversible.  But you win some, you lose some and all that.” Harry gently rubs his head like an eight ball and plants a kiss on the bump that is slowly forming.

“Uuuggghhh, so gross, geroff me,” Liam whines as he pushes Harry away.  “You’ll mess up my hair!”

“Liam, you literally have no hair.  It’s like a five-o'clock shadow up there.”  He rubs at Liam’s head just to make his point.  “The softest five-o-clock shadow I’ve ever felt though.  What’s your secret?”

Liam tugs on a chunk of Harry’s hair and deadpans, “I wash it.”  Harry gasps and looks down at his lap, so his hair covers his face.  He sniffs just to confirm that it still smells clean. It does.

“Now that’s just bloody offensive Liam.  I wash—”

“Hey H?”  Liam says softly as he slides his hand around the back of Harry’s neck and squeezes gently.  Harry looks up and meets his eye. The mood in the room shifts from playful to serious. Liam stares at him intensely until he is satisfied Harry is listening.  “I love you. I hope you know that. And, I am always here for you, no matter what.”

Harry nods.  “I know Liam.  I love you too.”  He can feel his throat clogging up with tears.  He breathes for a minute to give himself time to choose his next words carefully.  “Even when it seems like maybe I don’t, I do. I really do.”

They stare at each other for another beat, their eyes carrying on a conversation that doesn’t need to be spoken out loud.

“Well then, that’s good.”  Liam pulls him in to a hug and slaps him on the back, hard, a couple of times.  “Now, before I was so rudely interrupted I was looking for something to eat while I studied.  Brain food if you will.” He eyes Harry expectantly.

“I know just the thing.”  Harry jumps off the counter and starts pulling ingredients out.  “It’s a good thing I went to the store yesterday. I found this great recipe for a brain power smoothie.”  He squints at all the ingredients making sure he has everything and plugs in the blender. “So, we start with a handful of kale.”

Harry waits for the inevitable joke one of the boys always makes about their fans thinking all he does is eat kale, but it doesn’t come.  He is equal parts sad and relieved. He hates the stupid jokes, but it would be nice to have a piece of his real life back.

“Handful of kale, got it.”  Liam repeats, seriously.   

“Then we add a small container of blueberries, half a banana, and a scoop of chia seeds.”  Harry dumps the ingredients in to the blender.

“Blueberries, banana, and chia pet seeds.”  Liam parrots back to him. “Do they even sell chia pets still?”

Harry shakes his head.  “Chia seeds. Nothing to do with chia pets.  If you ever try a recipe and think that you can get an ingredient at an as-seen-on-tv shop, please think of me, and reconsider using that recipe.”  

Liam laughs and peeks in the blender.  “Right so that’s a no to grass seed but yes to the little black seeds that look like tiny beetles.”

Harry looks at him blankly and continues, “the final three ingredients are half a cup of green tea, half a cup of almond milk, and ice.  Then you blend.” He shouts over the noise from the blender. “Oh! I bet you could use one of your pre-prepared protein drinks instead of almond milk.  Or, just add the powder before you blend. Voila, brain power smoothie.” He grabs two glasses and fills them both. “Now take this with you and go get smart my little Padawan.” He hands the smoothie off to Liam and shoos him out of the kitchen.

“Yes sir,” Liam turns in the doorway and gives him a salute.  “My brain salutes you.”

Harry rolls his eyes exaggeratedly as Liam chuckles.  “Love you H,” he yells as he heads down the hall.

“Love you too Payno.”

Harry takes his smoothie to the front room and plops down on the couch.  Turning on the tv, he searches for Netflix as a wide grin spreads across his face.  He feels like the last few minutes were a gift to him. Maybe the fates are finally giving him a break.    

Liam has always been quick to forgive.  He is the peacemaker in their little family.  In the past Harry has gotten frustrated with Liam’s tendency to always try and smooth things over, with discontent fans, with their management, and with interviewers.  He even tries to step in on the rare occasion any of them fight with each other. But, right now, in this moment, he has never been more thankful that Liam instinctively knows what to do _(usually)_.  He is also thankful, to once again realize, that circumstances may be vastly different in this world, but his friends, his boys, are not.

_One down.  Four to go_ Harry thinks as he glances at the clock.  He’s got hours until he needs to go to class, more than enough time for a nap.  He pushes play on the next episode of his binge du jour and is asleep before the opening credits are even done.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

“Hey Moron!”  A hard pillow hits Harry square in the face startling him from sleep.  “Class starts in less than twenty minutes.”

He makes a disgruntled gurgling noise and snuggles further into the body-warm couch.  He’s not awake enough to fully grasp what is happening around him but it doesn’t matter because all he plans on doing is falling back asleep.    

The loud voice starts up again.  “HARRY! Get your arse off the couch, put some clothes on, and go the fuck to class.  Are you trying to screw up this term? Didn’t you do enough of that last term?”   

_Why is someone shouting at me?  They need to shut up!_

“Fine I’ll shut up.  It’s not my arse on the line.  You do whatever the fuck you want.”

_Shit I said that out loud.  Shit. Fuck. Shit. Louis.  Louis is shouting at me._

He grabs the back of the couch and pulls himself up as he squints at the clock on the wall.   _Shit, it’s 12:45.  Class is in fifteen minutes._ He vaults over the couch and tumbles down the hall toward his room.  He throws on the first set of semi-matching clothes he can find, pushes his hair back with a headband, and grabs his rucksack.  Using his hand as a barrier he sniffs his own breath, grimacing at the assault on his nostrils. _Gotta brush my teeth.  Won’t be able to talk to anyone if I don’t._

In his haste to be presentable he doesn’t notice Louis leaving the loo until he slams right in to him, both of them almost ending up in a pile on the floor.  

“Oh my God.  This is just not my week.  I’m sorry Lou,” Harry apologizes hastily.  

Louis crosses his arms and cocks his head to the side.  Harry knows that look, Louis’ silent judgement look. He’s never really been on the receiving end of it before and it makes his skin feel hot and itchy.  “Good to see you listened for once and got up. Wouldn’t want you to fail now would we?”

“Um…yeah—no—wouldn’t want that.  At all. Thanks for waking me up, not sure what I’d do without you.”  Harry rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

Louis studies him for one more minute and then moves out of his way.  “It’s all yours. Don’t forget to brush your teeth, you’re rank.”

Harry barks out a laugh and slaps his hand over his mouth to shut himself up.  “Thanks for the honesty Lou. I won’t forget.” Harry watches him walk away. “Hey Lou?  I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” Maybe his question is too transparent, the real motive behind it too apparent ( _Be home tonight.  Please. Don’t go to Chris’)_ or maybe he appears desperate, but it’s too late to take it back now.  

Louis turns in his doorway, and says tersely, “I don’t know where I’ll be tonight Harry,” the “and it’s none of your business” goes unspoken.  Harry cringes at his tone but is oddly comforted by the emotion behind it. Angry Louis, who is still emotional, even if he tries to hide it, is considerably better than bored, indifferent Louis.  

Louis continues, much gentler, his shoulders shagging just a little, “I don’t have any plans to go anywhere, so I’ll probably be here.”  He glances down at his watch. “You really need to get going Haz. You’re already gonna be late. Have a good...rest of your day. Maybe I’ll see you tonight.”  He turns and shuts the door behind him.

Harry, too distracted by Louis, does a poor job of brushing his teeth, and is 15 minutes late to his class.  He tries to be quiet when he sneaks into the room, intent on finding a seat near the back and not attracting any attention to himself.  Evidently the universe has other plans.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

His professor looks up as he opens the door.   “Mr. Styles, it is nice of you to join us. There is a seat right up here in the front row just for you.”  Before Harry sits down his professor puts him on the spot. “I hope I am correct in assuming you read the assigned reading.  So, I am going to ask you, what false illusions are there in your life?”   

Harry stammers over an answer for close to five minutes before his professor takes pity on him and asks the same question to a much more prepared student.   _What did I ever do to you, universe?  I try and be a good person and I think I succeed most of the time.  So why are you doing this?_

He spends the rest of his class time half listening to the discussion around him and half taking a mental inventory of everything in his life the universe could be punishing him for.  He can’t come up with any transgression that would warrant this sort of life-altering punishment.

After class his professor asks to speak with him.  He reminds Harry ( _Other Harry),_ “after last terms issues, stellar academic performance is the only way to guarantee a third year at UEL, Mr. Styles.  Your performance today was anything but stellar.”

“I’m sorry sir.  It won’t happen again.  I will keep a closer eye on the reading assignments and come fully prepared from now on.”  Harry is sincere in his promise. _See universe.  Good Person._

“I will hold you to that.  I like you Mr. Styles and I have faith in your intelligence and abilities.  Therefore, I am going to gift you a privilege I do not give most students.” He grips Harry’s shoulder.  “I will allow you to write me an essay, no less than five pages, answering the question I asked you earlier in class: what false illusions are there in your life?  Relate it back to the material we discussed today, and have it submitted by next class and I will give partial credit for your participation for the day.”

Harry breaths out a sigh of relief.  “Thank you, sir. I really appreciate that.”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

As he heads back to the flat, he resolves to do better for Other Harry.  He didn’t screw up Other Harry’s life, but since he is apparently stuck here he certainly doesn’t want to make any more of a mess.  For the time being, things with Louis look bleak, so until he has a solid idea on what to do about it, he will focus on school.

When he gets home he notices, with a sort of melancholy satisfaction, Louis is in the kitchen making himself a sandwich.  He looks up when Harry shuts the front door and their eyes lock. Harry gives him a bashful smile and small wave. Louis raises his chin in response.

Harry throws his rucksack on the couch and toes off his shoes, leaving them in the middle of the walkway.  He heads for the kitchen, stopping in the doorway and leaning against the door-frame.

“Sandwich?”  Louis points to the bread and cheese spread out on the counter.

Harry smiles at him again and says, “sure, that would be great.  Thanks.”

Rustling plastic, knives scrapping bread and plates clinking on the counter are the only sounds in the kitchen.  Harry studies Louis when he isn’t watching. It’s uncanny how similar the two Louis’ are. Of course, they look the same, except their choice of haircuts, but it surprises him how alike their mannerisms are.  He can almost read Alternate Louis’ mind as he watches him because he knows what each micro expression means. He is a mess of conflicting emotions, but he tries to keep them off his face, so he doesn’t accidentally push Louis further away with the intensity of his feelings.

“Harry?!  Earth to Harry.”  Louis’ voice pulls him from his thoughts.  “What is up with you lately?”

Harry blushes, “Sorry Lou.  I’ve just been—well I don’t know what I’ve been actually.”

Louis chews on his bottom lip as he scrutinizes Harry.  “Yeah, that’s—not really an answer but I get it. Too hard to explain or whatever.  Isn’t that what it usually is? Too hard to explain?” he spits through clenched teeth shocking Harry with how venomous he sounds.

“No Lou!  It’s not too hard to explain, I just really don’t know what is up with me.”  Harry reaches a hand out, desperate for Louis to listen to him. Louis pulls back and folds his arms.  “Honest. I’ve just been feeling weird lately, not like myself, or I guess just a different version of myself.  It’s like I woke up one day, that day in your room, and life just felt different, some of it better, some of it worse,” he confessed.  “I don’t know much of anything anymore. But, I promise I’m not leaving you out. I just—I don’t know.” He hunches his shoulders in defeat. _Believe me Louis.  I have never lied to you before._              

“Okay Harry.  I believe you.”  Louis’ phone dings on the counter next to him.  He glances down at it, thumb running over the screen.  “I gotta get back to revising,” he says, distracted. “Here’s your sandwich.  I’ll—um—talk to you later.” He finally looks up and meets Harry’s wide-eyes. Harry refuses to look away forcing Louis to break eye-contact.

“Yeah, okay, well have a good night Harry.  I’ll be in my room if...anyone needs me.” He walks out of the kitchen without looking back.  Harry hears him curse softly as he trips over the boots Harry left in the middle of the floor.  “Fook, you big oaf. Put your boots by the door. Have some respect!”

Harry snickers under his breath.  “I heard that, you. Watch your back Styles.  I have a long memory.” Louis yells. “I will get you back, you big gangly giraffe.”

Harry lets out a cackling laugh.  As Louis shuts his door Harry hears the distinct sound of his giggles traveling down the hall.   _I made him laugh and he’s home…for the evening.  Today 6, Me 6._ He’s happy with the tie for today.  Tomorrow he’ll work on the win.


	5. Waiting For You

Late the next evening, while making a real effort to not flunk Other Harry out of uni his mind drifts and he starts thinking about the X-Factor.   _Did I try out?  Was my audition terrible?  Did I embarrass myself on nationwide tv?  Maybe I didn’t even audition? Why wouldn’t I have auditioned?_

He reigns his thoughts in before they get too out of control and ask Liam about it.  “Hey Liam?” 

“Hmmm?”  Liam responds, his nose buried in his textbook.

“Did I ever try out for the X-Factor?  Like a few years ago, probably when we were maybe 16 or so?” He’s not sure he wants to know the answer, but he doesn’t really know why.

Liam looks up at him from his corner of the couch and thinks about it for a few seconds.  “I don’t think so…Oh wait!” He snaps his fingers and nods his head. “You did. Well, you didn’t really try out.  You talked about it, even practiced a couple of different songs, but the morning you were supposed to go you overslept.”  Liam laughs at the memory. “Niall and I were playing Mario Kart at his house that afternoon and you showed up all ‘hey I’m Harry and I’m too cool to set an alarm to get up for my big break.’  Niall called you a loser and threw his controller at your face. And that my friend was the official end of your big stardom dreams.”

Zayn wanders in from the kitchen with the stale box of biscuits Harry found his first day.  He flops down on the couch, pops one in his mouth and says “Let me get this straight. I’ve heard you sing bro.  You are ace. You had a chance to try out for the biggest talent competition in our part of the world, and you overslept?

“I heard you sing in the shower this morning Z.  You could have tried out too,” Harry pouts defensively.

“Well we’re not talking about me now, are we?” Zayn shrugs.  “I never had stardom dreams. Besides, Li and I are going to get rich and famous by creating the next big worldwide phenomenon in video games, aren’t we Li?”

“Hmmm?  Oh yeah, definitely.  You and me Zed, video game extraordinaires.”

“His enthusiasm about your plan is contagious Z.  I’m not sure the room can handle all the excitement.”  Harry rolls his eyes, unimpressed.

“Shut it.”  Zayn smacks him on the back of the head.  “I’m still right. Mr. Excitement and I will be famous one day, and I think we can all agree that teenage you was a lazy idiot.  But look on the bright side, the world may have lost out on the full force of the Styles charm, but now we can sit in this mediocre apartment, with its bare cupboards and remind you how stupid you were.  I’m sure there’s no place you’d rather be.” He winks at Harry, pops another biscuit in his mouth and offers him the package.

Harry shakes his head at the irony of Zayn’s last sentence.   _ I can think of one place I’d rather be. _  Rather than dwell on his predicament he laughs and reaches for the box.  “Our cupboards aren’t bare. I went shopping.”

“Fine, fine.  We can sit here in this mediocre apartment, eating stale biscuits, reminding you of what an idiot you were.  Is that better?” Zayn stuffs a whole biscuit in his mouth and chews obnoxiously. 

“Much better.  Good thing I grew out of being an idiot, huh?”

Zayn swallows and says “Well I wouldn’t go that far, but you’re getting there.  Slowly but surely we are helping you make your way into the land of normal.”

Harry throws a biscuit at him and Zayn catches it.  “Boys, I am trying to get some work done. Can you take your shenanigans someplace else?”  Liam grumbles. 

They both look at each other, then at Liam and then back at each other.  Harry raises his eyebrows.  _ Should we? _  Zayn responds with an eyebrow raise of his own.   _ We should. _  Standing up slowly they creep towards Liam.  Harry raises his fingers and mouths, one…two…three.

“AHHHHHHHHHH,” they shriek as loud as they can while showering Liam with biscuit crumbs.  The room goes momentarily silent as Liam processes what just happened and the other two decide on the best escape route.

Harry and Zayn take off down the hall towards Harry’s room just as Liam lets out an almighty roar and chases after them.  They manage to lock the door before he crashes in to it. Over their panting they hear him say, “Little Ickle Harry. Little Ickle Zayn.  Come out. I just want to talk. I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“Maybe not our smartest decision ever.”  Harry snickers.

“Yeah, I have to share a room with him.  I am so screwed.” Zayn snorts.

Harry is laughing so hard his sides hurt.  “Nah, you can sleep in here with me tonight,” he offers.

Through the door they can hear Liam prowling the hall.  “Boys,” he sing-songs, “I really just want to talk. I’m not mad.  Come on guys, be good lads and unlock the door.”

“I think I’ll take you up on that offer Haz.”

As they climb in to bed Harry shuts off the light.  They lay still for a while before he says, “I’m kind of afraid he’ll find a way in.  I’m gonna check the window lock.” He throws his duvet back and makes sure Liam can’t get in through the window.   _ I wouldn’t put it past him to try. _  He double checks the bedroom door and crawls back under the blankets.

Zayn yawns and whispers “good thinking Haz,” then rolls over and soon Harry hears his breathing slow down.

Just as he is drifting off Harry feels Fish climb on the bed and lay down near his head.   _ She must have been hiding in here while we all acted like idiots. _

He chuckles softly.  “Hey Zayn?”

“Yeah Haz?” Zayn replies through another yawn.

“Who’s the idiot now?” Harry smiles triumphantly.

_ Two down, two to go. _  He rolls over and falls into a deep sleep surrounded by the sounds of Zayn laughing and Liam huffing and puffing in the hall.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *     


The stress of the first week pretending to be someone who looks like him, but is also not him, causes Harry to board a last-minute train home to Holmes Chapel. He knows the one person who won’t be any different through all of this is his Mum, and he has never needed her more

“Harry darling. I wasn’t expecting you. Is everything alright?”  Just seeing her brings tears to his eyes. He bends down to gently kiss her cheek as she pulls him in to one of her famous hugs. She smells exactly like he remembers, a mix of her favorite perfume, sunshine, and cookies. Today there is an added hint of earth and flowers.  _ She must have been gardening _ he thinks as he inhales deeply and holds his breath, willing his tears not to fall. When he finally exhales it comes out as a choked sob.

“Oh honey, what’s wrong?”  Her concern causes him to lose all control and he starts weeping.  She pulls him in to the house and shuts the door. As she guides him over to the couch she rubs his back and whispers “shhh, shhh, shhh.”

On the train, he had made the decision not to tell her about Real Harry versus Other Harry because he didn’t know how to explain it in a way that would make any sense. He knows she loves him and would do everything she could to help, but he also knows there isn’t really anything she can do, and he doesn’t want to worry her unnecessarily. And, if he’s being honest with himself, he also doesn’t want her to look at him like he is crazy or made of glass.

He goes with the next most important issue on his ever-increasing list. “Louis is mad at me. Like really—incredibly—mad at me. I don’t know what do about it Mum. I hate it. He won’t even look at me, and like, I’m not even sure what happened.”  His voice starts to get hoarse the longer he cries. “It hurts every time I see him, but I can’t get him alone to talk to me. Either his stupid cu—errr—idiot…boyf—Chris,” Harry shudders as he says the name, “is around, or he makes sure that one of the other boys is. He hates me and all I can do is miss him. I miss my best friend. I miss my…Lou.”  By the time he gets his words out, her shoulder is soaked with his tears.

“Oh Harry. My sweetheart. There is no way that boy hates you. He has loved you since the first time you two met. We will figure this out.  I don’t know what happened between you, but I know we will come up with a plan to fix whatever it was,” his Mum declares firmly. “Now let’s eat some of the cookies I made earlier today while I start dinner. Robin will be home in about an hour. How long are you planning on staying for?”

“Do you really think he loves me?” Harry hiccups.

“Yes, Honey I do. Now let’s forget about this for just a little while, snack on some cookies, and you tell me how long I get to have my baby home for.  How are classes going?” They head for the kitchen where she busies herself with dinner preparation as she listens to Harry talk.

The rest of the evening is a wonderful mix of cookies, his favorite shepherd’s pie, hugs from both his parents and love. He knew he made the right decision coming home.

He feels much better than he has in the last week, maybe even longer than that, since he had spent so much time missing Louis while they were apart in LA and London. He falls asleep that night comforted by the fact that his Mum is right down the hall, and no matter what universe he is in she will always love him fiercely and unconditionally.  _ She’s pretty good at solving my problems too  _ floats through his head as he falls asleep.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Harry wakes up the next morning, to the smell of bacon, and a renewed determination to right some wrongs; To fix the life he finds himself in, pull himself up by his bootstraps as they say. But first he needs a plan.  _ And breakfast, definitely breakfast. _

His mother raises her eyebrow at him when he bounces in to the kitchen a few minutes later. “I am glad to see you are feeling better this morning.   Stop that,” she exclaims as he steals a piece of bacon from the plate. “Next time I use the spatula on your hand.” He smirks at her and sits down at the table.

“What is on the agenda today honey?”  His mum continues to stir the eggs while Harry thinks of a safe way to get to the bacon.  

“Well,” he drawls, “I need to come up with some ideas to get Boo Bear…um I mean Lou…to at least talk to me, and then maybe some more ideas to get him to forgive me. Think there are pins for that on Pinterest?” he jokes.

“Boo Bear? Honey, I know his mum calls him Boo Bear, but have you ever thought that maybe he is mad at you because you also call him Boo Bear?”  She gives him a “mum” look. “Grandma Selley used to call me Annie Bananie but that doesn’t mean I wanted everyone else to do the same.”

“Muuuummmm,” Harry whines.  “I really doubt he is mad at me because I call him Boo Bear. I’ve always called him Boo Bear. Ever since he told me, in confidence, that he secretly loved it when Jay said it.”

His mother looks at him skeptically as she hands him his plate of food.

“Okay Annie Bananie, got any good ideas to help out your favorite son?” He wiggles his eyebrows at her and digs in to his breakfast while she swats the back of his hand with her spatula.

“Not yet honey bunny.” She throws him a dry look. “But let’s get down to business.”

“To defeat the Hun!”  Harry sings loudly. “Wait!  There are Hun here? I would never have come if you had told me that.  Where is Mushu when you need him?” His Mum pretends to ignore his sudden burst of silliness, but the slight shaking of her shoulders betrays her.  He knows she is laughing at him. He gives her a gleeful smile around a piece of bacon.  _ My work here is done _ .

Several hours, and even more cookies later, they have drawn up a plan for  _ Operation: Fix Things with Louis _ . Unfortunately for him Pinterest did not have any useful pins, but his mum was the next best thing.

When she drops him off for his train at half four that afternoon Harry boards it with his bootstraps officially pulled up. As he settles in his phone beeps.

 

\---Best Mum Ever---

Good luck honey. I love you!

Received: 16:34-Sat, 22 Mar 2014

 

Thanks Mum. I love you too!

You really are the bestest of

the best mum’s.

Sent: 16:37-Sat, 22 Mar 2014

 

He leans his head against the window, closes his eyes and pictures Louis’ face. Over the years he has memorized every line, every freckle, even the recent addition of the small creases which have become a permanent fixture by his eyes. He loves everything about that face. There isn’t one thing he would change. He feels a warmth settle over him as the train pulls out of the station.  _ Everything is going to be alright. _

The first hour of the ride he spends dozing in and out; he never really falls asleep, but he slowly plays back random memories he has of Louis. It’s the first time in a week he has really allowed himself to focus on only his Louis. Usually he can’t help comparing Alternate and Real Louis. It feels nice to just bask in his memories. They soothe his raw nerves.

He startles a bit when he hears his phone vibrating from inside the bag by his feet. He reaches down pulling it out of the pocket and sees that it’s a text from Louis.

 

\---Lou---

Hey Harry. I haven’t seen you

since yesterday morning. I

hope everything is okay. Text

me when you get this. If you’re

too busy that’s fine.  Okay. See

you later.

Received: 17:56 -Sat, 22 Mar 2014

 

\---Lou---

I don’t want to seem overbearing

but I’m a little worried. Sorry if

that bothers you. I just want to

make sure you’re okay.  I’ll just

ask one of the other boys.  Don’t

worry about texting me back.

I’m sure you’re fine.  

Received: 17:58 -Sat, 22 Mar 2014

_ Louis is texting me? _  He is so stunned by this turn of events he just sits and stares out the window for a few minutes.  _ Why does he seem so hesitant to tell me that he is worried? _ His phone beeps again; this time with a text from Liam.

 

\---Payno---

Hey mate. Just checking up on u.

Iv ben stuck at work all wknd but

Louis says u havent ben home.

Maybe let him know ur alright.

Between u and me he seems

pretty worryed. Dont tell him I

said that. Just text him. Or me.

Whichever. C ya later buddy  

Received: 18:12 -Sat, 22 Mar 2014

__

_ Lou is really worried about me. That must be a good thing, right? _  He can’t stop the smile that stretches across his face. He doesn’t want Louis to worry so he sends him a quick text back.

 

Hey Lou. I’m fine. I should have

said something before I left.  I’m

sorry.  ☹  I feel really bad.

Sent: 18:15-Sat, 22 Mar 2014

 

I didn’t mean to worry you.   I’ve

just had a lot on my plate lately

so I went home to see Mum. I’m

on the train right now.  I’ll see

you when I get home, yeah?

Sent: 18:18-Sat, 22 Mar 2014

 

He decides to push his luck just a little and ask Louis if they can talk when he gets home.

 

Can we talk when I get home?  If

you’re busy I understand.  I just

have some things I would really

like to say. I should be home in

about an hour.

Sent: 18:22-Sat, 22 Mar 2014

 

By the time the train pulls into the station in London he hasn’t received a reply. Trying not to let it disappoint him Harry decides to just stick to the plan and hope for the best. He can’t afford to let anything dampen his confidence now. _Louis was worried about me. That must mean something. Maybe the universe is trying to be helpful for once. The plan officially commences when I get home. I can totally do this._


	6. How To Be Brave

Over the course of the next week and a half Harry spends most of his time between classes doing entirely too much course work, and fine tuning the plan to get Louis to talk to him.  He understands now why trying out for the X-Factor had been the absolute best thing for him; Going to Uni is something he thought he wanted when he was younger but now it isn’t something he really want to be doing. _Yay for the X-Factor!_

He also continues to do sporadic research about what could be causing his little... adventure. After exhausting all the dream, and perception of reality theories he found, Harry finally considers the one option he has been avoiding, something medical causing whatever is happening to him.  Everything he reads on the internet freaks him out and convinces him he is either genuinely losing his mind, or there is something wrong with his brain. He decides to take a trip to the Uni Walk-In to try and find some answers.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Harry checks in at the front desk then sits down to wait.  He tries reading an _OK Magazine_ sitting by his chair, but it is too weird for him to read about people he knows, when in this world, they are strangers.  It’s not like he can tell people “Hey look its Katy Perry. I kissed her once at the [ MTV VMA’s ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd-gVBkjZX0) when she presented us with an award.”  Or, “holy crap it’s Ronnie Wood. Remember that time the boys and I sang with him at the [ X-Factor ](https://vimeo.com/114516723) ?  You don’t?  Do you wanna see the YouTube video _(awkward never-ending pause)_ …oh wait it doesn’t exist…because that never happened.”   _Not a good conversation starter._

Plus, he really hates gossip, 95% of which is completely wrong or twisted to fit the narrative someone wants to tell, and he would rather not participate in it.  He sets the magazine down and glances up at the TV in the corner where BBC news is playing. He tries to concentrate on what is happening around the world, but he just can’t focus, his mind a jumble of old memories and new experiences.

This isn’t his world, and he doesn’t belong here, but after more than a week, he feels like he is finally starting to come to terms with everything.  It isn’t his home yet, but he thinks if he is stuck here he will be alright _._ Things don’t seem so foreign anymore.  The world has continued spinning. His friends are still his friends, with two big exceptions, Louis being the biggest one, and no One Direction being the other.  He doesn’t love Uni, but he doesn’t hate it either. It will just take some time to get used to. His Mum, Robin, and Gemma, are still his family. All things considered, and he has done a lot of considering, things could be worse.   _Unless I’m going crazy or dying of an incurable disease.  Then nothing is alright_

He loves being “Harry Styles, 1/5th of One Direction,” and besides Louis, it is the best thing to ever happen to him.  But, it has been nice to have a reprieve from it all. No one cares who he is here, and he doesn’t have to stay hidden away to get some privacy.  If it weren’t for the bone-deep ache he feels every time he thinks about Real Louis, an ache he didn’t even know was possible, he thinks it would be alright _(survivable at least)_ if this all ended up being his permanent life.

“Harry?  Harry Styles?”  He looks up as the nurse calls his name and waves to acknowledge he heard her.

He jogs toward the doorway where she is waiting for him.  “That’s me.” He reaches out to shake her hand, but she turns away and beckons him to follow her _._

After the cursory weight and height check she leads him in to an empty room.  “Please sit on the table. If you could remove your jumper so I can take your blood pressure I would appreciate it.”  He complies with her request.

“I heard this great joke once.  Can I tell it to you,” he squints at her name tag, “Rebecca?”                

“Is it the one about being left in the waiting room for two hours?”  She glances up at him.

“No, it’s not.  I wasn’t in the waiting room for two hours so that wouldn’t even be funny.  It’s more of a terrible medical related pick-up line than a joke.” The implication of what he just said hits Harry and he tries to correct himself.  “Oh man. I am not trying to pick you up. I just really like word puns, and pick-up lines are usually full of them. And I don’t get a chance to use the medical ones very often because I am usually healthy as a horse and Lou always tells me I need to let people do their jobs without burdening them with my ‘terrible’ jokes—”

She laughs.  “Mr. Styles, you can tell me the joke.  In fact, after that…rambling speech I can’t wait to hear it.  If it’s good enough I’ll even share one of my own.”   

Harry shakes his head in embarrassment and says, “Are you my appendix?  Because I have a gut feeling I should take you out.”

Rebecca gasps, “Harry!  You breathe oxygen? We have soooo much in common.”

“Just so you know, I’m no organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.” He gives her an exaggerated cheeky wink.  

“You just may be my favorite patient of the day Harry, probably even the whole week.”

The doctor comes in to see him after Rebecca is done. “Hello Mr. Styles.  I’m Doctor Meyers. Let’s see what brings you in today,” he looks down at his computer and reads Rebecca’s notes.  “So, it says here you have been feeling off for the last few weeks. What do you mean by feeling off?”

“I’m not really sure how to explain it.  I woke up a couple of weeks ago and everything just didn’t seem normal.  Physically I feel fine except I keep forgetting things. And sometimes I just—I don’t know—I feel like I’m not really in my own body.  Which I know makes no sense. Geez I sound like such a nutter,” Harry massages the bridge of his nose. “I know that. But I promise you I’m not.  I’ve never experienced anything like this before. It just came out of nowhere.”

“First things first Mr. Styles—Harry—I don’t think you are a nutter.”  Doctor Meyers chuckles. “I am sure there is an explanation for what you are feeling.  It could be something as simple as stress or lack of sleep. Have you been sleeping normally?”

Harry scoffs.  “I’ve been sleeping a normal amount, but I keep having the same dream every night.  It’s just so vivid. It isn’t scary or anything, it’s more like I am dreaming about myself in a different world,” he lies, smoothly.  In reality, he usually dreams about memories from the real world. Sometimes he still doggedly clings to the theory that everything he is going through now is just one big elaborate dream, as unrealistic as that would be.     

The doctor thinks for a minute.  “What about stress? Has anything happened recently that was stressful for you.  It doesn’t have to be something major or life changing.”

“Sometimes I think my whole life is all stress, but I haven’t experienced anything out of the ordinary.  I’m sure anyone with the life I have would be stressed. My husband is away, and I haven’t seen him in five weeks…”

“I didn’t realize you were married Mr. Styles.  Your chart doesn’t mention a spouse—”

Harry interrupts him.  “Boyfriend, not husband.  Just boyfriend. He’s the love of my life, so we use the term husband.”  Tears start welling up in his eyes. “I guess him being gone is more stressful than I thought it was.  I’m sorry.”

Doctor Meyers places a hand on his shoulder and gives him a kind smile.  “It sounds to me like you are going through something stressful Harry. We’ll figure out what is going on.”   

He gives Harry a short exam and pronounces him healthy.  “I would still like to run a few tests just to make sure we don’t miss something.  I will put in orders for everything. You will need to head over to Newham Hospital, later today, to get the CT.  The nurse will be back in to draw your blood. I also think it would be good for you talk to someone, a therapist, so I will put in a referral to the therapy clinic on campus.  They should ring you in a few days. There are some great people over there and you can see any of them.”

“Thank you, Doctor Meyers.”  They shake hands. “I appreciate your help.”

“No problem at all Harry.  Any other questions for me?”

“Um…when will the test results be done?”  Harry doesn’t want to wait any longer than he has to.  The sooner he can figure this craziness out the better.

Doctor Meyers looks at the calendar.  “Today is Thursday. We should have everything back by Monday.  Tuesday at the latest. I’ll review it all and give you a call. I’d say by Wednesday morning.”

“That sounds great, Doctor.  Thank you again.” Harry feels relieved he won’t have to wait too long.

“Just wait right here for a nurse and then you are free to go.  Have a good day Harry. I’ll speak with you soon.” Doctor Meyers gives him another kind smile as he shuts the door to the exam room.

A different Nurse comes in to draw his blood.  As she inserts the needle Harry says, “You may just have the only job where people saying, ‘are you in yet’ and ‘I didn’t feel a thing’ is a good thing.”

He realizes, too late, how insulting that probably sounded.   _Stuck my foot in my mouth again.  Idiot._  She doesn’t laugh, doesn’t react at all.  “Shit. I’m sorry. That was really inappropriate.”

She draws a final vial of blood and cleans up without saying anything to him.  Harry is mortified but decides to keep his mouth shut so he doesn’t embarrass either of them further.  “You are free to go Mr. Styles.”

“Th—thank you.”  He hops off the table and grabs his jumper.

As he walks out of the room he hears, “don’t mess with me.  I get paid to stab people with sharp objects. Have a nice day.”  She smiles and winks at him.

“You too,” he replies.  

As he’s leaving the back rooms he sees Rebecca one more time.  He leans on the counter mock-seductively. “Hey Rebecca?” He asks, pitching his voice lower.  

“Yes Harry?”  She doesn’t even look up from her paperwork.

“Can you be my proximal, because I don’t want to be distal to you.”

She laughs loudly.  “Yep, my favorite patient ever.  Please come back and see us again soon Harry.”

“No offense, Nurse Ratchet, I think I’ll try and avoid trips to the doctor as much as I can.”  He winks at her. “But as your favorite patient ever I can definitely fake an illness to see you.”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Harry finally feels like he has an idiot-proof plan to break through the wall Louis has built, and tonight is the night he is determined to make some headway on _Operation: Fix What That Stupid Idiot Other Harry Broke_.   After a long day of fidgeting and trying to calm the butterflies that have taken up residence in his chest, he finds himself in his kitchen preparing Louis’ favorite home cooked meal before his boy gets home.

He had begged and pleaded with their friends to give him a few hours at the flat alone. He knew they all assumed it was, so he could “get down to some business with a hot bloke” as Niall had so eloquently put it, but they all agreed to his request. He didn’t think they would have agreed so easily if he had mentioned that he intended to trap Louis and make him talk, so he left that part out.

He contemplated ordering Louis’ favorite pizza but decided it would be much more special if Alternate Louis thought his Harry had put some real effort in to this evening. He just hoped Louis wouldn’t bring the idiot with him when he came home.

Harry knew Louis’ last class was out at half seven, meaning he would probably be home by eight. He glanced at the clock and saw that he only had about 20 minutes to finish getting everything ready. _Come on Styles you got this. How many times have you made this exact meal? Alternate Louis isn’t much different than Real Louis. He will love it. This will totally work._

The plan was so important for two reasons: he hated knowing that any version of him had ever done anything to hurt any version of Louis. Secondly, if he was truly stuck here he needed Louis. He needed his boy. He was sure that without him he would not mentally survive any of this.  Thinking about another universe, dimension, life, where the real him was with the real Louis made him happy, because at least they were together. He wasn’t sure if that was really true, but he clung to the idea. Everything was more complicated here but, if everything worked out how he wanted it to, there could be a happy ending for all the versions of them involved.

It was worse for him to think that in that other place it was possible he had just disappeared, and Louis would never know what happened to him. That was unfathomable. He wasn’t sure how to fix it, but during his research he had come to believe, in his heart, that if he could fix things here all would be right in the real universe, even if his consciousness never made it back there.

The timer for his dessert dings just as he hears the front door open.

“‘Ello?  Where is everybody?” Louis calls from the front room.  

“In the kitchen,” Harry yells back. “Well not everyone is here, just me—” he trails off when he turns and sees the startled look on Louis’ face.  “Hi. So, don’t freak out, and please, please don’t run away.”

“What is all this Harry?”

“Lou, I really just want to, um, talk to you about…” he motions between the two of them, “us. And you are impossible to, like, get alone, and I just feel like what I have to say, and what I am hoping you have to say, is better left between the two of us without the boys getting involved.  So, I asked them to give me the apartment tonight, and I know that Niall thinks that I am going to have like crazy monkey sex while they aren’t here, but I’m obviously not going to be doing that…I mean unless—” he trails off. “Definitely not the time for jokes. I’m rambling. Let me start over.”

Louis looks at him with wide eyes, and even though it looks like he wants to be anywhere but there, he nods quickly.

“Okay. First things first, hi. How was your day?” Harry asks.

“Harry…”

“Right, okay. So—I have been—what I mean to say is…fuck. My words are seriously fucked right now.” Harry stops and draws in a deep breath. “I miss you Lou. Ultimately that is the most important thing I want to say so I will start there. You mean the world to me, and I know that I have been weird the last few weeks.”

Louis shoots him an incredulous look. Harry lets out a small giggle and continues. “I know I’ve been weird. Probably for even longer than the last few weeks. Obviously, something happened between us to make you hate me. I’m not sure what it is but what I have gathered from everyone is that I did something.  And that something must have been terrible.”

He looks to Louis for confirmation.  When he catches his eye, Louis gives him a small nod.  “Right well, if it made you feel how I think you feel then I have a lot of apologizing to do. So, I guess really the most important part of what I just said isn’t just that I miss you, it is that I am so, so, so sorry for hurting you, or making you mad, or being a complete and utter fuckwit.”

Louis narrows his eyes and scrutinizes Harry for a minute. Harry stares back reveling in the fact that all of Louis’ attention is on him, even if it’s just for this moment.

A small smile crosses Louis’ face and he lightly rubs his hands on his joggers.  “Right, well curly, what did you make me? I’m starving.”

“What makes you think any of this is for you?” Harry jokes.  Joking is good. It feels right. He and Louis have always been good at taking the piss.

Louis rolls his eyes and says, “well from where I am standing, this looks exactly like a patented Harry Styles apology dinner. Plus, if my nose doesn’t deceive me the kitchen currently smells like,” he sniffs and waves a hand in front of his nose to sample the air, “chicken tikka masala and jasmine rice. I also detect a hint of freshly baked naan and I’m betting there is a super caramelly bread pudding cooling in the oven right now.”

Harry shakes his head sadly. “Unfortunately, none of that is true. All I have for dinner is a big pot of mini weenies simmered in baked beans and for dessert rhubarb pie. I was out of sugar though is it basically just mushy rhubarb in a pie crust.”

Louis bumps his shoulder in to Harry’s chest as he steps around him. Harry grins because it feels so good to be normal with Louis. _He’s still the same boy I love._ He crosses his fingers behind his back and sends a silent plea out in to the universe that the evening continues to go well.       

When he lifts the lid to the pot on the hob Louis lets out a loud gasp. “You lied to me Harold.” He opens the stove and gives another gasp.   “Twice. You lied to me twice. I can’t in good conscience eat dinner with you now. Your lies have sullied this house. I am going to go to my room, the only unsullied place in this entire flat.” He starts to walk out of the kitchen.

Harry panics. “Wait Louis! Don’t go. If you’re really upset I will go to my room and you can eat in peace—”

“Harry, love, of course I’m not upset you knob,” Louis soothes. “This is absolutely lovely. It smells so good and I really am starving. Let’s eat, yeah?”

Louis helps him carry everything over to the table, and then dishes full plates up for each of them. They eat in silence for a while. It feels comfortable though, so Harry doesn’t mind.

After his second ( _and a half serving_ ) Louis pushes his plate away and groans. “You really outdid yourself this time Harold. I probably won’t need to eat for at least a week after that.”

“Don’t forget Lou we still have unsweetened mushy rhubarb pie for dessert.”

“Again, with the lies Harold. Will you never learn?” He says it jokingly, but Harry gets the distinct impression there is truth behind his words. “Besides there is always room for dessert. My chicken tikka box is full, but my dessert box is empty.”

“Super caramelly bread pudding coming right up.” Harry makes a move to stand up from the table, but Louis places a gentle hand on his arm.

“Maybe we should talk first. I mean that was sort of the point of this whole dinner, yeah?” Louis asks. Harry nods. “Okay then let’s talk. I’m seriously stuffed right now anyway. Here or in the front room?”

Harry doesn’t answer him, just stands up and heads for the front room. He turns around and what he sees makes his heart flutter sadly. Louis is looking down at the table, unhappiness written all over his face. He takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders and follows Harry.

_Oh, Harry what did you do?_  He scolds himself silently. _What did you do?_

Louis doesn’t look up as he sits down on the couch. When he sees Harry watching him out of the corner of his eye, he gives a small, tentative smile and pats the spot on the couch next to him. Harry goes willingly, almost tripping over his feet in his haste to be the closest he’s been to Louis in weeks.        

“Should I start, or do you want to?” Louis asks.

“I guess,” Harry replies hesitantly, “since I am the one who screwed up I’ll go first. If that’s okay.”

Louis waves his hand at Harry like he’s giving him the floor.

“In the kitchen earlier, I told you I was sorry, but you seemed, um, skeptical. Lou, you have to believe me. I would never do anything to purposefully hurt you and—”

“But you did Harry. You did hurt me, on purpose.”

He flinches. “Oh Lou. I am so sorry. I don’t even understand why he—me—why I would do something so stupid. All I want to do is fix it. I will do literally anything to fix it.”

“I don’t think there is a way to fix it though Harry. I mean you were my best mate, but it was so easy for you to just throw our friendship away,” Louis whispers, sadly.

“Were?  Lou, there isn’t anything past tense about you being my best mate. You have been my best mate since I was—” Harry pauses before he says something that will appear crazy. “You have been my best, everything, since we met.”

They stare at each other for a few ticks before Harry says desperately, “Lou what did I do?”

“Harry, it just is what it is. I know we both said things better left unsaid, but we can’t change anything. What’s done is done.”  Louis sounds resigned and Harry’s heart breaks just a little bit more.

He hates everything right now. _This is not how the plan was supposed to go._ It wasn’t like he expected Louis to accept his apology and fall in to his arms. He knew that Lou was stubborn and could be a bit unforgiving when he had his feelings hurt, but he really believed he could get through to him. Instead, this felt a whole lot like an ending.

“No, no, no,” Harry shakes his head. He grabs Louis’ hand and tangles their fingers together. “I don’t know what happened, but you have to let me make it better. You just have to. You have to Lou.”  He begs, desperately. “We have never, in the last five years, not worked out whatever was bothering us, and we have been up against much harder things than a few words. Words hurt. I know that. But I am sure that whatever I said I didn’t mean.”

Louis squeezes his hand and takes a deep breath. Ignoring Harry's slip-up about being together for five years, Louis exhales slowly and says, "it isn't just about the words Hazza.”

The use of the nickname does not go unnoticed by Harry.  He pleads, “then tell me what I did. Please.”

“You broke my fucking heart Harry,” he bellows, his hands shaking with anger. “Tore it out, mangled it all up, and then when I tried to move on and fix it you treated me like I was the worst person you knew.”

“I would nev—”

“But you did Harry," Louis chokes out a sob, "and maybe you didn’t mean to. Or, maybe you did but have a good explanation. I don’t know. But I do know that this,” he gestures between the two of them with his free hand, “is broken and it can’t be fixed. We want different things Harry. We need different things.”

“Lou,” Harry gasps, “please. At least tell me why. If I am stuck here in this…place,” he cries, “I need to know why the life I have always wanted, the life I had, is just gone. Why Lou? Why?”

“Because I am in love with you Harry,” Louis shouts.  Then with no emotion in his voice he says, “and you made it very clear that you do not, and will not, ever feel the same. That is why.”


	7. Every Breath, Every Hour Has Come To This

Harry freezes, stunned into silence. _What?_ His mind screams. _What? What? What?_  That was not what he was expecting at all. _This changes literally everything._

“I have been in love with you since you poured hot tea all over me the first time we met. We hadn’t even said a word to each other yet and I already knew that I would give you everything, every single goddamn thing I have. But you don’t love me back and it fucking sucks. I hate every second of it, but it is what it is,” Louis gestures erratically to  [ the tattoo on his chest ](http://www.popstartats.com/louis-tomlinson-tattoos/chest-it-is-what-it-is-78/) .

“You know what? I can’t do this.”  He stands up, turning his back on Harry, and starts pulling on the neck of his jumper, a nervous habit of his.

Harry has always been the more serene of the two but after Louis’ confession he is overcome with the need to move.  He jumps up, startling Louis who moves away from him. Harry stands in the middle of the living room completely still, the need to move vanishing as quickly as his plan crashed and burned.  “Lou—," he begs stepping closer.

“No Harry! Not right now. I love you."  Louis bounces on his toes as he fiddles with the strings of his jumper.  "I have always loved you, and I will probably always love you but if you say anything, anything at all right now, I won’t be able to handle it. You will break me even more. There is only one way for this to end. There doesn’t need to be any more damage done.”

“Louis William Tomlinson will you shut up and listen to me,” Harry shouts.

His outburst shocks both of them. Neither speaks for a minute as they try and calm their racing hearts.

“Louis, please let me say this one thing."  He steps closer, reaching for Louis' hand. "If what I say doesn’t change your mind, then I will move out. You won’t have to move in with Chris to get away from me.”

“How…do you know about that? I didn’t tell anyone he had asked me.” Realization dawns on him. “You listened in on my conversation with my—with him?” Louis makes an embarrassed squawking noise.  "What gives you the right to do that? You have got some nerve. You can't actually expect me to listen to what you have to say when you invaded my privacy like that.” He storms out of the room.

“Louis wait!” Harry protests as he follows him down the hall. “I didn’t eavesdrop intentionally. I was coming home from Tesco’s and overheard some…stuff…when I got to the front door. I am sorry. I didn’t listen for long. I promise.” Luckily for Harry his long legs allow him to catch up to Louis just before he reaches his bedroom door. He wedges his foot between the door and the frame, preventing Louis from slamming it and locking him out. 

“I swear Harry if you do not leave right this second I will end you,” Louis growls. An angry Louis is a Louis Harry knows how to work with. They have always fought well, all burning flame and bite, followed immediately by soothing words and calm. Fighting with Louis, though rare, is something Harry excels at; this he can do.

He goes for broke and yells the first thing that comes to mind. “I love you too you stubborn, infuriating, silly menace. I LOVE YOU.”

Louis crumples onto his bed, his head between has hands.  “No, you don’t Harry,” he sighs. “You already made it abundantly clear six months ago that, and I quote, ‘I can’t be in love with you Louis. It’s too hard. You are my best mate and I love you, but we want different things. Now can you stop smothering me? I don’t need that type of ‘love.’’ You even used the air quotes around love. Do you remember now? Do you see?”

“Oh Louis. Please...” Harry falls to his knees by the bed and pries Louis’ hands away from his face.  "Listen to me. Love, I need you to listen to me. Really listen. I said those things six months ago, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that they were an utter load of bullshit. There is no version of me in any universe that does not love every version of you.”

Harry leans forward and presses his lips to Louis’. He knows that for Alternate Louis and Harry this is probably their first kiss, so he treats it like 16-year-old him kissed 18-year-old Louis all those years ago, only less awkward.

It is soft and tender to start, filled with so much emotion. As the seconds tick by he feels Louis sink in to him. He grips Harry’s shirt in his fists and deepens the kiss. Harry lets Louis lead them, trusting that they will end up exactly where they are meant to be.

After a while Louis lightly licks the seam of his lips, so Harry grants him access, parting his mouth slightly with a soft groan. Louis gasps and pulls back.

“I can’t do this. I need some time to think Harry.” His voice is thick with longing, but he slowly backs away.

“Okay. Yeah, okay. Time. Of course, Louis. Anything you need.” Harry stands up slowly. As he turns to leave the room, Louis clears his throat, stopping him. 

“Harry. I don’t know what is going to happen but please wait for me. I want to know—need to know—you are waiting for me. Please.”  Something in Louis' eyes gives Harry hope. 

“Always Lou.” He turns and walks out of the room pulling the door shut behind him.

Lost in his own thoughts, he heads to the kitchen to clean up their dinner mess. He has said all he can for now, and even though he kind of, sort of, most definitely wants to smack Other Harry in his nuts for getting them in to this mess, he feels lighter.  He made progress with Louis and he is thankful for that.

He laughs quietly at the ludicrousness of the situation as he moves around the kitchen cleaning up. Maybe he really has cracked like Louis thought all those weeks ago.  _ I feel like I am a few eggs short of dozen. _

_ *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   * _

After he is done in the kitchen he shuts off the light and walks down the hall. He pauses by Louis room, and silently places a flat palm against the door.  "My love,” he breathes out into the night and then continues to his room.

Because he knows the boys are waiting to come home he pulls his phone out of his pocket and texts all three at once.

 

Hey. Thanks for letting me have

the flat tonight. You guys can

come home now. There is

Chicken Tikka Masala in the

fridge. Enjoy it. I’m going to

bed so I’ll see you tomorrow.

xx-H

Sent: 21:47-Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

Almost immediately he receives two replies.

 

\---Nialler---

Was he good? The bloke I

mean. Thanks for the

dinner. See you tomorrow

old man. What 20yo goes

to bed at ten? Love you loser.

Sent: 21:49-Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

\---Liam---

Ill be at work for another hour.

See u later H.

Sent: 21:49- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

Zayn’s reply takes a little longer.

 

\---Zaynie---

I just got a text from Louis. What

the hell Haz? I’m glad you guys

cleared the air but…you love

him? Really truly love him? Don’t

break his heart again. He won’t

survive it. I love you knucklehead.

Sent: 21:54- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

He only responds to Zayn:

 

Yep Z. Really love him. Proper

arse over tits in love. Take care

of him until he is ready to talk

to me please. I’m not going

anywhere but I know he won’t

want comfort from me. xx

Sent: 21:57- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

He debates shutting his phone off but decides not to just in case someone ( _ Louis _ ) needs him.  After plugging it in by his bed he strips down to his pants and climbs under his duvet. He hasn’t felt this exhausted since his panic attack on the first day here. Tonight didn’t go how he wanted it to, but he supposes it went better than it could have. Everything he needed to say was said. He doesn’t know if Louis believes him, but from here on out, no matter the outcome, all he can do is prove to him how much he loves him.

Over the course of the next 20 minutes his phone beeps every time he is drifting off. They are all from Niall.  

\---Nialler---

Wait! Chicken Tikka Masala!

Does that mean there is bread

pudding? You will officially be

my best flatmate if there is

bread pudding.

Sent: 22:05- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

\---Nialler---

Chicken Tikka Masala and bread

pudding is your I fucked up and

need to apologize to Lou apology

meal. Was Louis there tonight?

Sent: 22:11- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

\---Nialler---

Harry!!!!!!!!!! Talk to me. Was

Louis there tonight?

Sent: 22:17- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

\---Nialler---

Fine just leave your oldest

friend out in the cold. You

better be asleep and not just

ignoring me. If Louis was

there tonight I hope you two

worked some stuff out. I

knew there was a hot bloke

involved. I love you kiddo.

Sent: 22:23- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

Just as he is contemplating hiding his phone, so he doesn’t have to hear it any more, he receives one more text.  _ I am going to kill Niall tomorrow, the stupid little leprechaun _ . He opens the message.  

 

\---Lou---

Please don’t text me back. I

just wanted to thank you for

dinner. And for asking Zayn

to look out for me. I don’t

want to lose you Harry. I

just don’t know what to do.

I’ll figure it out. I promise.

Until I do please remember

that you are my best mate.

Even when I am so mad at you

I want to scream, I still love

you Haz.  

Sent: 22:25- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

\---Lou---

P.S. I am NOT a menace. You

are a menace.

Sent: 22:26- Thurs, 27 Mar 2014

 

Harry grins drowsily.  _ Harold, Hazza, and Haz.  All in one night. Tonight was a good night.   _ He falls asleep that night clutching his phone.

_*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *_

_ “…For many people across the globe, tomorrow is New Year’s Eve…Christmas Eve. But to even more people, tomorrow is Louis’ birthday!” _

_ An arena full of teenage girls screams so loud that despite their in-ears, Harry is certain all they will hear for days after this particular concert is ringing. _

_ “I’m gonna ask you to help me and  _ sing  [ _ Happy Birthday to him _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uobm6vhJPI) . _ K?” _

_ The crowd screams their approval. None of the boys, including him, will ever get over the feeling of being on stage and performing in front of excited crowds. _

_ “Okay so after three. One…two…and by the way when you do his name make sure you say Boo Bear! Okay. Three…two…one” _

_ “Happy birthday to—buzz. Happy birth—buzz—to you. Ha—buzz—buzz—to you. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz” _

_ What the hell? What is with the buzzing? It doesn’t stop. The stupid buzzing is ruining his birthday song to Louis. _

Harry slowly blinks in to semi-consciousness _.   Why am I dreaming about buzzing?   _ He rolls over, smashing his face into his pillow. The buzzing starts again.  _ Not just a dream then. _

_ Buzz…Buzz…Buzz…Buzz…Buzz…Buzz _

“Damn it Niall. Shut your stupid phone off.” He bangs on the wall next to his head.

_ Buzz…Buzz…Buzz. _

Harry throws back his covers and staggers out in to the hall stumbling around the corner into Niall’s room.

“Shut your fucking phone off you tit. Niall…shut your fu—”

The buzzing stops. He stands in the middle of the room hazily waiting for it to start again. When it doesn’t he turns towards Niall’s bed.

“Oi, idiot. Budge up will ya? I want to sleep,” he grumbles as he climbs under Niall’s duvet.

Niall pats his face and mumbles “You sleep with the piggy Greggy.  I don’t wanna.”

Harry falls back to sleep dreaming of entertaining an arena full of pigs that all look an awful lot like Niall.  

_*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *_

The next morning Harry wakes gradually. Even though there is a shadow blocking his face he can tell the sun is shining.  _ Maybe Lou and I can go on a walk later and talk.  _ His mind starts to wander to images of cold, sunshiny winter days, scarves, gloves, hot cocoa, and a handsome boy tucked up under his arm, so he doesn’t get too cold.  _ Yep, today is a great day for a walk. _

He stretches to try and wake himself up more but can’t seem to move his legs.  _ Well apparently I am paralyzed. Just one more thing to deal with. Ain’t life awesome.   _ He lets out an indignant huff and the shadow blocking his face shifts. When he finally opens his eyes, he finds Niall, straddling his legs, pinning him to the bed. He’s staring at Harry creepily, his face way to close for comfort.  _ I need new friends. This one is weird. _

“Finally! I’ve been watching you sleep for an hour. I ran out of sharpie like 20 minutes ago.”

Harry squeaks and shoves Niall, knocking him off the bed. He leaps off the bed toward the mirror and nearly trips over the flopping pile of disgruntled best friend on the floor. The mirror tells a different story than the one Niall just told; There is no sharpie. At least no where he can see.        

“So ... what happened with Lou?” Niall asks happily popping up from the floor and hooking his chin on Harry’s shoulder.

“Geez Ni. I have had better wake up calls. Remember the cow, next door to Mum and Robin’s, that would moo sadly at like half four every morning. Even that was better than you.” Harry falls back onto the bed, bouncing just a little before starfishing out in the middle. He leaves just enough room for Niall to climb over him to lean against the wall.

“First of all, that cow was an arsehole.  Second of all, I want to know what happened with Lou so stop dawdling and get on with it.” As an afterthought he adds, “And, third of all, I don’t think cows can moo sadly...sadly.”

Harry tells him the whole story. He starts with the overwhelming need he has had to make things better with Louis.

“Well yeah that’s because you have been a right bastard to everyone lately, but especially to Louis. It’s about time you wanted to fix it.” Niall pats him on the head like a small child. 

“Yeah, okay. We are going to come back to that after I am done with my story because evidently, I have some things to make up for with everyone. And, I have some questions.” The knot of guilt in his chest, which had loosened a little last night, gets tighter than it’s ever felt at Niall’s words.  Niall waves his comments away impatiently and waits for him to continue.

Harry continues his story with his trip home to see his Mum, and the plan they formulated. Then he catches Niall up on everything from last night, starting with his not telling the other three he was going to virtually ambush Louis.

“I knew you guys would try and talk me out of it.”  He says sheepishly.

“Well no shit we would have, and with good reason too.”  Niall sticks his tongue out and wags his finger. 

He finishes his story by showing Niall the text from Louis.  “So, yeah, I’m not sure what the text means really, but for the first time in a long time I feel like I can fix this,” Harry finishes.

Niall sits quietly for a while, just staring at nothing in particular. Finally, he looks at him, but schools his face in a neutral expression so Harry can’t tell what he is thinking. “So, what’s the plan H? You both declared your undying love last night, and that is great, it really is, but what if he just wants to be your friend? How are you going to handle that? Because, I feel like maybe this entire six months could have been avoided if you hadn’t lied to him about your feelings in the first place, and that may be something that Tommo can’t overlook.”

“No, I know that Niall. If Louis just wants to stay friends, I can’t say that I will be happy about it, but I am not about to cock it up again. I’ll just repair my broken heart with a lot of pastries, alcohol, and duct tape.  I can move on.” Harry tries to act a lot more nonchalant than he feels.

If Louis just wants to be his friend, or worse wants nothing to do with him at all, if Other Harry really screwed everything up that bad, he will have to come up with plan b. Best case scenario he’ll move to the middle of nowhere Antarctica and never see another human being again. Maybe he’ll make friends with a penguin or two. Worst case scenario… _ Antarctica is probably the best and the worst. _

The room falls silent, both lost in their own thoughts. Harry rolls on to his side, and Niall must sense he needs some comfort, so he spoons up behind him.

“Hey Ni?”

“Yeah Haz?”

“Can you tell me what happened between me and…everyone else.”

“Um, well, you know everything. You know more than I do anyway because you were actually there for all of it, including the stuff that happened between just you and Louis.”

“Yeah, that’s true, but I would like to hear it from someone else’s   perspective. Please Niall? I think it would really help me know what I need to do to fix things with everyone.”

Niall takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly. “On one condition. You have to let me finish the story before you ask questions.”

“Was I really that bad?” Harry asks as a sort of joke.

“It was pretty bad H. I mean the fact that you are asking me to tell you only proves mine and Z’s theory that you were much drunker most of the time than we thought you were back then.”

“I promise I’ll just listen Ni.”

“Okay.”

Harry feels Niall shift around behind him trying to get comfortable. Once he stays still Harry rolls on to his back and grabs Niall’s hand to help ground himself. His heart is beating wildly. He’s always suspected that “his” behavior hadn’t been…good exactly…but Niall behaving as hesitantly as he is a bit terrifying.  _ I need to know what happened, so I can fix it, _ he reminds himself.  

As Niall starts filling in the story of “his” recent past, Harry shuts his eyes and listens.


	8. But Watching You Stand Alone

“We all love both you and Lou, and if I’m being completely honest we were…are…still... surprised that you guys didn’t just get married the first time we all met.  It was weird to watch. People always wanted to know what was up with you two and the three of us would just laugh and say, ‘there’s just something about Harry and Louis that we can never explain.’”

“Okay, but that—” Harry tries to interrupt.    

“Nope I said no talking.  Zip it.” Niall glares at him. 

“You remember how last summer everyone went home for like the month of July, and I went to Mullingar with Da to see Greg, Denise, and Mam?  You were in HC and you started hanging out with Gabe, Pat and Isla from secondary? I think Layla was there too.” Niall pauses and shrugs his shoulders.  “I don’t know what happened, but when you came back after the break you were definitely more…social than you had ever been before. I mean we all wanted to go out and have a good time, but you took it to the extreme.”  There is some emotion in his voice Harry can’t quite figure out. It is disconcerting and works to deepen his confusion. 

Harry tries to butt in again.  “What do you—”

“If you interrupt me one more time, I will make sure that my fist meets your bollocks for a one on one conversation.  Shut ya fuggin mouth.” Niall raises his fist to make his point, and Harry flinches. 

He raises his hands, in surrender, “fine…but…”

“Harry…” Niall growls. 

Harry covers his most precious parts and acquiesces with a roll of his eyes.

“Now, where was I?  Oh yes, you behaving like a rebellious tosser.  Somehow you still managed to get up and go to your classes but everything else started suffering.  We hardly ever saw you and when we did you were always in a hurry to ‘go out’ which was usually code for getting drunk off your arse and grinding with anyone who would have you,” Niall gives him side-eye before continuing. 

“Everyone was worried, but Louis was…different.  He was always coming up with ideas to try and get you to stay home.  Some of them were so absurd that it almost became a joke to the rest of us.  ‘What’s Lou gonna come up with today?’ Ya know? But, Lou never once thought it was funny.  He was almost manic in his planning and scheming.” 

Harry can’t help but laugh.  He had always believed that of the five of them Louis was the one most likely to take over the world.  He tries to steer clear of any hint of opposition when Louis gets a certain gleam in his eye. Scheming Lou is one of his favorite Lou’s but he’s also a little…frightening. 

“One night you decided not to go out.  Tommo was beside himself. His not so inner drama queen came out and he ordered all of us to ‘piss off.’” Niall shakes his head fondly.  “When we all came home hours later you two were watching some lame movie and cuddling on the couch. It was the happiest any of us had seen either of you in months.”

“Things were good for a few weeks after that.  Zayn asked Lou what happened, and he said you guys had talked and come to an understanding.  You admitted that you missed everyone over summer break and had started hanging out with some idiots from secondary to sort of fill the void.  It was hard for you to stop once we all got back here because we all got busy with our own…things…lives, and you enjoyed going out.”

Harry has so many questions, but he doesn’t want a bollocking so he keeps his mouth shut.  Niall continues. 

“Then Louis introduced everyone to Chris.  There was nothing going on with them at first.  They had met at some party in Donny over the break and when Chris came back to school at the end of August they hung out.  I mean it was so obvious that Chris thought Louis was fit but Louis only had eyes for you, even Chris knew that.”

“I think the beginning of the end was when you wanted to go to the pub one night and Louis told you he wasn’t feel well.  The rest of us went, but you were obviously miserable and worried, so we told you to go home and check on him.” Harry squeezes Niall’s hand and takes a deep breath.  He knows where this is going and he’s not sure he wants to hear anymore.

“You okay H?  Do you want me to stop?”  Niall asks him gently. 

“I’m fine.  Keep going.” 

“You sure?”  Niall double checks.  Harry nods his head yes. 

“Okay.  You haven’t been exactly talkative about the topic, but from what you have told us we pieced what we could together. After leaving the pub, you were getting close to home and saw Chris exiting our building, and he looked happy.  He didn’t see you. When you got upstairs Louis was bundled up on the couch with a fresh cuppa and chicken soup was hot on the stove.”  Niall tenses up which tells Harry the next part of the story is the bad part. 

“When we got home later that night we could all tell that something had changed.  He had his head in your lap and everything looked fine but…” he falls silent, remembering, and then continues.  “Louis seemed oblivious to any changes. You though, you were…well something wasn’t right.”

“After that you started not coming home for days at a time.  We still don’t know where you went or who you were with. You never told us.  We would catch you in small lies, nothing huge, but enough to hurt. I’d ask if you wanted to grab dinner and you’d tell me you had a study group.  But then Zayn would see you from the street going to dinner with some randos, and you were obviously already well on your way to pissed. Eventually, we all just stopped asking because we just got tired.” 

“We would see you on campus and it would look like you were either still drunk from the night before or suffering from the plague.  And the thing is, you would ignore us, act like we hadn’t just made eye contact with you.” 

Harry can hear the hurt in Niall’s voice.  He rolls on to his side to give him a hug, but Niall pulls away just a little bit.  It stings, but after hearing most of the story, Harry understands. He backs up to give Niall a little more space and waits.     

“It was worse with Louis though.  With us you would at least try and act normal when you were home, but with Louis, you acted like he either wasn’t there, or was suffocating you.”

Harry winces.   _ This is so much worse than I thought it would be.  What a fucking tosser I was.  _ “Please keep going,” he whispers. 

“Louis tried so hard to make things go back to normal, or at least to figure out what was wrong.  You know how he gets when an idea is stuck in his head and he will not let it go. Zayn thinks a lot of his pent-up anxiety with you came out as him being overbearing or trying to mother you.  Whatever it was, it did not go over well.”

“Eventually, every time he tried to talk to you, you snapped at him and said things like ‘what do you want now Louis?’ or ‘fuck, can’t you just leave me alone for one second?’  We think there was a huge fight one day, but none of us are sure because neither of you would talk about it, still won’t. Couple o’ chatty sods ya both are. After that he started seeing Chris every day and they became more than friends.  When you found out Harry…I don’t even want to think about it. It was heartbreaking.”

Harry glances at Niall and sees tear tracks on his cheeks.  He reaches over and brushes them away. How he could ever be the type of person to make any of his friends, but especially funny, happy Niall, cry doesn’t make any sense to him.  They have all gotten irritated with each other and been snappish but never has he ever questioned their love for him and he hopes they have never questioned his love for them. If only the same were true here. 

“Ni, I am so sorry.  I hope one day you can understand how sorry I am.  You’re my best mate, my family, and one of my favorite people.  I love you so so much. Just tell me what I need to do, and I will fix this.”

“It’s okay Harry.  I mean it was a really shit thing to go through and I was so angry for a long time but…watching you the last six months, I think you’ve suffered enough bud.  And the last two weeks? It’s like somehow I miraculously got my best mate, got you back.” Niall turns to face him and smiles. “We never stopped loving you Haz.  Not once. I don’t think Louis did either. Everything between you two just became too much. The storm got too big and you both had to bail out.”

He gives Niall a watery smile in reply, then he asks, “What do you mean heartbreaking Ni?”

“What?  Oh yeah.  Heartbreaking.”  Niall trails off.  “We may have been furious at you but none of us wanted you to hurt the way you did.  You just shut down. It was like someone had replaced you with the world’s worst robot.”  The image causes both of them to laugh softly, and it feels good. Some of the tension which had built up in the room eases. 

“You stopped going out.  You either went to class and came straight home, or you never left your bed.  Lather, rinse, repeat. You were talking to us again but only if we asked you a question or included you in our conversation.  We all just sort of gave you space. The worst was when Louis was home, which wasn’t very often. You both tried to be civil. But it was so cringy.  If any of us have to hear about the weather from either of you ever again, it will be too soon.”

“The weather?  We talked about…the weather?  What the hell?” Harry asks skeptically.

“Yeah.  The weather,” Niall replies drily.  “Finally, after months of Robot Harry, you started to return to some sort of normal.  You go out now but only if one of us is with you. You flirt with everyone, but I haven’t seen you pull anyone in…months.  Things aren’t where they used to be, but I don’t really think they will be until things with Louis are fixed.”

Harry rolls closer to Niall.  “I talked with Liam a few weeks ago.  It wasn’t like this, but I think—I hope anyway—that things with him are getting better.”

“I know.  He told me.  Things are getting better H.  You don’t need to worry about us.  I promise. Worry about Louis. Fix it with Louis and I’m telling you the rest of us will never have another word to say about the last nine months ever again.”  Niall flings an arm across his waist and plants a sloppy kiss on his forehead. 

Timidly he asks, “How do I fix it Ni?”

“I think you’re doing all the right stuff Styles.  Your chicken tikka masala and bread pudding could stop wars—.”

“Well I did used to be a baker,” Harry interrupts him cheekily.

“I was there you idiot.  You worked the register.”  He pokes Harry in the ribs.  “But, I will concede that maybe you learned a thing or two because I would actually marry you if it was the only way for me to eat your bread pudding ever again.”

Just then they hear the front door open and close quietly.  They both fall silent, just listening for the tell-tale signs that one of their friends, thinking Niall is asleep, is coming to scare him.  They’ve all been playing this game with each other for years. Another thing that’s the same in both places. There’s an arbitrary scoring system in place but no one really knows what it is.  They get points based on how well their scare goes, with extra points added on for any pain inflicted on the victim. Niall and Harry glance at each other, an unspoken agreement to scare the hell out of whoever tries to scare them, passes between them. 

Slowly they stand up and take their positions.  Harry hides behind the door and Niall tries, unsuccessfully, to hide under the bed.  He gives up and crouches down low. They wait, but nothing happens. Harry presses his ear to the door and doesn’t hear anything. 

“Someone must have been leaving,” he whispers to Niall.

Niall springs up and says loudly, “well you owe me brekkies then.  I expect a Full English Styles. Chop chop. Make it snappy. And, unless you want the full monty I would leave the room now because I am about ready to drop trou.”

“I’m going, geez.  Have some decorum you hoodlum.  Where is your decency?” Harry shrieks. 

“That’s rich coming from the guy standing there in the smallest pair of pants I think I’ve ever seen mate.”  Niall roars with laughter. “Now get the fuck out,” he says as he tries to shove Harry out the door. 

Harry grabs his wrist and doesn’t let go until Niall looks at him.  “Thanks for indulging me Niall. I couldn’t have found a better friend, brother, than you.”  He leans forward, places a loud obnoxious kiss on Niall’s nose and gives his nuts a friendly little love tap with the back of his hand.  Niall grunts and flips him off. The sounds of Niall’s pained groans and Harry’s cackling laugh echo throughout the flat.

_ Three down.  One to go.  _

As he heads for the kitchen he throws a passing glance at Louis bedroom.  The door is open but there is no sign of Louis. He stops and peeks in the room.  Louis rucksack is still sitting by his desk, his favorite jumper and beanie are gone, and his bed doesn’t look slept in. 

Niall pops up behind him, startling him.  “My breakfast ain’t gonna cook itself in Louis’ room H.”

“Where’s Lou?” Harry wonders out loud. 

“I got up to use the loo at half one and saw him sneaking out of the flat.  I didn’t get a chance to ask him where he was going, but I assume he went to Chris’.”  Niall’s eyes get wide and he squeezes his lips shut. “Shit H. I didn’t even think. I could be wrong.  Maybe he went to get some air to clear his head. You know how he is.”

“Yeah.  Who knows.  Maybe he went to Chris’ to end things with him and is currently writing a grand romantic speech declaring his never-ending love for me,” Harry says, a hint of sarcasm behind the words. He takes a shuddery breath and rakes his hands through his hair.  “It’s all good Ni. Let’s go make you some breakfast before you try and gnaw your own arm off.” He puts Niall in a head lock and drags him down the hall. Louis sneaking out in the middle of the night doesn’t have to mean anything. Right now, he has a best mate to feed.  He’ll worry about it later. 


	9. I Will Be Brave

Harry tries not to panic as the day continues with no sign of Louis.  He makes Niall breakfast, attends his classes, even manages to spend an hour in the library revising for an upcoming test.  He would call this day a win if he could remember half of what happened in his classes and even one fact that will help him on his test, but he can’t.   _ Today 1, Harry 0. _

When he gets home the first thing he does is check to see if Louis is home.  He isn’t. His mind goes in to overdrive with every worst-case scenario he can invent. 

_ Louis broke up with Chris who was so upset he tied him up and won’t let him leave. _

_ I wonder if Niall will help me stage a rescue if I promise him Nando’s? _

_ Don’t be ridiculous Harry.   _

He smiles lopsidedly to himself. 

_ On his way home from Chris’ he stepped off the curb and was hit by a double-decker tourist bus. _

_ You’re losing the plot again.  Reel it in.  _

He starts chuckling.

_ He choked on some sushi. _

_ Pfft.  Not likely.   _

He lets out a loud honking laugh at the ridiculousness of his imagination.

_ He fell off a roller coaster at the theme park. _

_ Seriously, shut it down brain.  Shut it down.  _

He has tears streaming down his face from laughing so hard.

_ He went to the circus and they made him an indentured servant and dressed him up as a sad clown and now he trains the lions.  _

_ Why would Lou be at the circus in the first place?   _

He bends over trying to catch his breath.

_ Louis was kidnapped by some fanatical fans who managed to come to this place with me.  _

_ The way my life is going lately…fans following me to this universe, and kidnapping Louis is probably exactly what happened.  _

He collapses on the couch, so he doesn’t pass out again.  His laughing slowly dies off, replaced by a feeling of sadness.  He has classwork to complete, more revising to do, and he should probably feed himself.  Instead he turns on Netflix and searches up romantic comedies. He presses play on the first movie that pops up in his queue and stares lethargically at the tv for the entire movie, not even sure what he is watching.  All he knows is he’s met the stars before, and it has love, romance and babies.  _ Apparently, I didn’t think this movie watching plan through.  _

By the time the movie is over he isn’t any more worked up than he was when he got home.  If anything, he appears calm, even a little apathetic. He lets autoplay start the next movie and closes his eyes.   _ Louis still isn’t home.  He’s with Chris. They are staying together, and I need to prepare myself for the inevitable rejection. _ _ I should probably come up with a plan to move.  Operation: Avoid Louis for the Rest of My Life. I’ve got a name for the plan, good place to start.  _

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   


Half-way through the second movie, just as Harry is drifting off into an uneasy and uncomfortable sleep, there is a loud knock on the front door.  Before he even has a chance to get off the couch the door opens and Chris bursts in to the flat. He doesn’t seem to notice Harry before he starts yelling.   __

“Louis?” Chris shouts, anxiously.  “Louis are you here?”  _ What the hell is his problem?  Louis isn’t even here. _  Harry sits up and Chris, catching the movement out of the corner of his eye, whips his head around.

“You!  Just what the fuck is your problem?  Who do you think you are playing with his emotions like that?”  Chris advances on the couch shooting Harry murderous looks. “You had your chance with him, but you were too thick headed, too much of a selfish arsehole, to figure out what you had.  And now…now that he is happy, now that he is with someone who actually cares about him, you act even more selfish, which I didn’t think was possible, but oh fucking boy was I wrong,” Chris spits his words at Harry venomously. 

“Chris—” Harry tries to interject. 

“I am not done!” Chris points at him harshly, like he wants to jab him in the chest. 

Chris continues, “The first time we met the only thing he could talk about was all of you.  I spent an hour listening to ‘Liam this…Niall that…Zayn always…’ oh and don’t forget you…‘Harry Harry Harry.’  You stupid prat. I gave up trying to pull him by the end of the party…” 

Harry tenses at his words, but Chris ignores him and carries on, “…because I figured with him so hung up on you it was pointless to even try.  Not that I didn’t want to of course. Man did I want to, but you win some you lose some, right Styles? I mean I’ve seen you at bars. You know all about that don’t you?  You…you…slag.” 

Harry jumps up from the couch and yells, “You don’t know anything about me.”  He is usually very careful about what he says in this alternate world but for just an instant his mind whites out and he forgets.  “You can call me whatever you want because you don’t know me. Do you get that? You. Don’t. Know. Me. You don’t know that I have only ever loved one person.  I was sixteen, and a sixteen-year old shouldn’t know instantly that the boy they just met is the love of their life. But I did. You don’t know what we, what my Louis and I, have been through, the battles we have had to fight to end up where we are.  To be married…” his voice trails off in horror.

The silence that fills the room is heavy, the anger palpable.  He realizes he has said too much. Chris stares at him in disbelief.  “Are you delusional?” Chris shouts shrilly. “Married? I mean, I knew you were a daft tosser, but mate, I think you really need to consider getting some professional help.”

Harry takes a deep breath and blows it out through pursed lips.  He closes his eyes and says hesitantly, “I didn’t say Louis and I were married.”  He starts absentmindedly playing with his right middle finger where his wedding band usually sits. 

He opens his eyes and notices Chris staring at his hand, his action not going unnoticed.  He clears his throat and sends up a prayer that whatever lie he tells next will be believable.  “I did not say we were married.” His voice is low and slow. “I just said that Louis and I have been through a lot.  Like I said, I have loved him since the first time we met. He is it for me. And I plan on marrying him, someday.” He feels like he should add more but  _ less is more _ runs through his head, so he stops, waiting for Chris to say something. 

Chris glowers at him.  “You think you are just so important to him he would even want to consider marrying you in the future after the way you treated him?  You are out of your mind. You obviously don’t know anything about him.”

“I know so much more about him than I can even tell you.  There isn’t enough time in the world for me to list everything.  Like, how he is so specific about his tea—"

“Two fingers of milk, first, and never any sugar.”  Chris gloats. 

“Siblings names and ages?”  Harry challenges. 

“Lottie is 15, Felicitie is 13, Phoebe is…um…9,” Chris says smugly as he snaps his fingers, “and obviously because they are twins, Daisy is the same age.”

“Favorite TV show?”

“One Tree Hill.”

“Middle name?”

“William.  Come on Styles give me something hard.  You obviously don’t know him that well if these are the hardest questions you can come up with.”  Chris shoots him a saccharine grin.

Harry rubs the back of neck while he thinks.  He needs something that is probably still true here; A fact so important to who Louis is it doesn’t change anywhere.  Something Louis wouldn’t tell just anyone, only someone really special. He grins wickedly and says, “What does he want to name his first son?”

Chris’ face goes blank.  “I—we’ve never—we haven’t discussed—We’ve only been together six months.  No one has that conversation when they’ve only been together six months. What game are you playing?”

“We had that conversation the first week we met,” Harry says proudly, shrugging one shoulder.  “For the record, Leo or Lucas. He wants to name his first-born son Leo or Lucas.”

“That proves nothing,” Chris chuckles darkly.  “You seem pretty pleased with yourself, but you aren’t that impressive.” 

Harry, a look of bemusement on his face, takes a step toward Chris.  “I don’t need to prove anything to you.” 

Chris takes a step back and chews on his lip.  “No, absolutely not. This is what is going to happen,” Chris states firmly.  “I am good for him. I take care of him. I know things about him too; Things you could never know because well—boyfriends and everything that comes with that.”  Chris smirks at him, letting the double meaning of his words sink in. Harry wants to punch him  _ right in his stupid mouth _ . 

“He loves haggis.  Did you know that? Of course you didn’t, because he’s only ever eaten it with me…When I took him home to Edinburgh to meet my family which was also the first time he had ever been to Scotland…and I, his boyfriend, took him.  And, he thinks sushi is pretentious, ‘way too trendy and hipster’ were his exact words. You love sushi, don’t you Harry?”

Harry stays silent, so Chris continues, “He almost didn’t come back to school this term because his mum was having complications with her pregnancy and he was too afraid to leave her.  We spent every weekend up in Doncaster, so he could take care of his sisters and his mum could rest. The babies were born early. But they are fine. Oh, they are a boy and a girl in case you were wondering, Ernest and Doris.  I forgot to list them earlier and since you didn’t catch my blunder I am assuming you don’t know about them. That makes sense though because you were, still are in fact, too self-absorbed to even spare any of that a second thought.” 

Harry feels sick to his stomach.  He is ashamed of himself. He has been so stuck on figuring out what is happening to him he hasn’t even considered the possibility that some things could have happened in both his worlds. 

The complications, the premature birth, all of it had happened in his real life as well.  Luckily, they had been on a break between tours, but it had been a fight with management to get Louis out of the few appearances they did have.  Harry hadn’t even bothered asking to be with their family too. He knew the answer would have been an unequivocal no and it was so much more important for Louis to be able to go home than for Harry to ask and then be upset when he got an answer he was already expecting.  Just like now, things had turned out fine. Ernie and Doris were healthy and happy, and Harry adores them.  _ I am going to squish them so tight the next time I see them. _

He turns his attention back to Chris who is standing with an air of arrogance surrounding him.  The worst part about this whole thing is that Harry does know all that about Louis, he just can’t say anything.  They had both been to Scotland for the first time together. The whole band had tried haggis. None of them had liked it.  Harry is certain Alternate Louis had only told Chris he liked it because he didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Real Louis was always ribbing Harry and Niall about their ‘hipster love’ of sushi. 

_ Louis:  No Harold I will not go and eat sushi with you.  Go with Niall if you are so pressed. He loves that stuff. _

_ Harry:  Come on Lou.  Please? *puppy dog eyes* _

_ Louis:  No! I like sushi.  I really do, but your hipster band of brothers has ruined it for the rest of the world.  It’s cool to eat sushi. Cool Harold. Food should not be cool. It should be eaten because it is yummy, not because some twat posted artsy pictures on Instagram, or wherever, of the fifth time they are eating sushi that week.  _

_ Harry:  *sad face*  _

_ Louis:  Oh baby.   I love you.  And I know you aren’t a hipster, you just play one on tv, but Haz, I can’t in good conscience eat sushi thus perpetuating the myth that it is cool. _

_ Harry:  If we go to Jin Kichi they have that Japanese beer you love so much.  _

_ Louis:  Minoh W-IPA? _

_ Harry:  Yep. _

_ Louis:  Well what are you waiting for darling?  Let’s go eat some sushi. Absolutely no pictures on Instatumbltwitbook though.  _

It hits Harry once again how much he misses Louis, both of them.  He can feel his eyes getting teary and he tries to make them stop.  He can’t let Chris see him upset like this.  _ It will only make him think he is right.   _ Trying to be subtle he raises a hand to his face and scrubs lightly at his eyes.  He looks at Chris through his eyelashes and sees him scrutinizing him.  _ No such luck. _

“I hope you are finally realizing where you stand in all of this.  I know it is hard to accept. Sometimes though it is better to just man up and move on.”  Chris says arrogantly. Harry has never wanted to punch someone so much in his life.

“You have admitted your mistakes which…impressive I will give you that.  I was surprised when Louis told me about your speech last night.” Something akin to admiration crosses Chris’ face for a brief second.  “The more I’ve thought about it though I can see how you would think that tactic would be helpful in getting you what you want.” __

A growl, from deep in his chest, escapes Harry.  “This is not a game Chris. I am not using tactics to ‘get what I want.’”

“Oh please Styles.  I have been on to you since we met.  You only decided you wanted Louis when someone else did.  I showed interested and you couldn’t stand it,” Chris hisses at him.  “You still managed to lose him though didn’t you? Lost him to me.”

“Enough,” Harry roars.  “You could not be more wrong, about everything.”

Chris laughs. “I’m not—”

“Stop. Talking,” Harry grits out through his teeth.  “You have had your chance to talk some shit. It is my turn.  I know things about that man you will never have the pleasure of knowing.  I know the sound he makes when he is really excited about something. I know what it feels like to hold him when he is hurting, to listen to his sobs, and dry his tears.  I know his voice is my favorite in all the world. He is a beautiful singer even though he doesn’t believe he is. I know there is a spot behind his ear that makes him melt when I kiss it.  When he has a bad day he doesn’t get upset, he tries to make others happy. I know that he is the kindest, most generous person I have ever met.”

“Most importantly,” Harry speaks softly, voice full of conviction, “I know that he is everything to me.  It doesn’t matter what universe we are in we will always find each other. I know I will spend the rest of my life with him.  I will have an entire footie team worth of babies with him, and I will watch as he grows more and more beautiful the older he gets.  I will love him, always.” 

Chris looks stunned, unsure of what to say next.  Harry wants to gloat but he kind of feels bad for him.  He knows how easy it is to be pulled in to the gravitational pull that is Louis Tomlinson.  He now knows what it feels like to lose Louis and while he may despise Chris, he can sympathize with what he is about to feel. 

“The way things have gone down between you guys—I don’t see how you can think—you hurt him.  Why would he want you after the way you acted? Why would he break-up with me…” Chris whispers, almost to himself.  He squeezes his lips together and looks at the floor. A sense of giddiness takes root in Harry’s stomach at Chris’ last words.  He makes a small noise in the back of his throat and Chris turns his head to look at him. 

“I—maybe—I think I love him,” Chris sighs.  “I’ve never told him because I wanted to be absolutely sure and he hasn’t said it either, so I just figured we needed more time.  I always knew you would be hard to compete with, but I thought I could win. Now, I’m not sure I can even compete at all.” He stops talking, a look of resignation on his face.  The silence stretches out, awkward and uncomfortable. Chris’ eyes flit back and forth as he thinks. 

Finally, he looks up and says, “if you really love him, like you say you do, you will back off.  You will move out and let him move on. He can’t move on if you are always here being,” he waves his hand around at Harry, “you.  It’s what’s best for him. I’m what’s best for him. I will…fight you, if I need to.”

Harry wants to laugh as the image of an old-fashioned duel between two gentlemen for a lady’s honor pops in to his head.   _ Back to back please gentlemen.  Now step five paces away from each other and then turn and shoot.   _ The thought is ludicrous.  Maybe Chris is right and Other Harry is bad for Louis.  It is possible Chris is better for him, but if what Chris just said is true, and Louis broke up with him already, Harry is going to cling to the belief that Alternate Louis knows what is best for himself.

“Chris, I don’t know you.  We are not friends. Unfortunately ( _ for you _ ) we are in love with the same man,” Harry says, calmly.  “This isn’t a competition. We aren’t going to like duel for his honor.  Louis knows what he wants, and he has never been shy about letting people know what it is.”

“I know it’s not a duel or whatever.  That isn’t even what I meant. Stop being condescending.” Chris huffs.

Harry feels like choking on his next words, but he says them anyway.  “I will respect whatever he decides, and I hope you will as well. He deserves nothing less than his best life.  I will do whatever he wants after this. If that is move out,” he blows out a sad breath, “then I will. But it is all up to him.  I won’t take that right away. And for what it’s worth, thank you for taking care of him when I…couldn’t—”

“I don’t need your thanks, mate,” Chris cuts in, sarcastically.  “I really just want you to go away Styles. Things were pretty good between us until you decided to put on some act.  I’m certain you are lying and faking the miraculous changes you have made. I just wish Louis could see it. Whatever he decides…I will support. You are not allowed to be the magnanimous one in all of this.  If, and that’s a big if, he chooses you, I will just wait for the inevitable day you cock everything up and he comes back to me.” Chris’ voice is shaky, and Harry can hear the lack of certainty behind his words. 

“I’m not trying to be magnanimous Chris.  I really do just want Louis to—”

“You ‘just want Louis to’ what Haz?”  Both Harry and Chris spin around and see Louis leaning against the wall in the hallway.  He pushes off with his shoulder and slowly walks toward them. 

“Lou—” Harry and Chris say at the same time before they start trying to talk over each other. 

“Louis, please.  I know this morning was hard…”  Chris reaches out for him. 

“How much did you hear…”  Harry stares at his face for any hint of…anything. 

“Please talk to me Louis.”  Chris pleads.

“Lou…”  Harry implores, not sure what to say. 

“Both of you, please stop,” Louis scolds.  “I can’t do this with both of you at the same time.  Harry?”

“Yes, Lou?”

Irritated, Louis rolls his eyes.  “Harry, can you go to your room and wait for me?”

Harry’s whole-body aches with the need to tell him no, but he knows that would be the wrong decision to make right now, so he nods yes.  He lightly brushes the side of his body against Louis as he leaves the room. He really wants to hide and eavesdrop, a bad habit he has picked up these last few weeks, but he is not sure he wants to hear what Louis and Chris say to each other. 

For some reason his room doesn’t seem so appealing right now.  It’s just not where he wants to be. He contemplates curling up on Louis’ bed, but his brain tells him that would be overstepping an invisible boundary they have created for themselves, so he goes to Niall’s room instead. 

A s he falls onto the bed, with his feet still on the floor, he shivers a little because of the adrenaline running through his body.  He only fought with Chris for, he looks at his watch, about fifteen minutes, but he feels like he just ran five miles.  _ Too much emotional whiplash for one day.  _

He starts singing softly to try and distract himself from everything.  A laugh escapes him when he realizes what he has been singing. He closes his eyes and keeps going. “Waking up beside you I’m a loaded gun. I can’t contain this anymore. I’m all yours. I’ve got no control.  No Control. Powerless…”

When he finishes, he decides to sing another of their songs.  He will sing their whole discography if it makes the waiting pass faster.  He looks at his watch again.  _ 16:43. How the hell has it only been five minutes?   _ He puts the watch up to his ear to make sure it is still working.  He hears a faint tick, tick, tick. With each tick, the hopefulness he felt when Chris said Lou had broken up with him ebbs away, and his thoughts swirl faster and faster.  He continues to sing quietly to drown them out, but it doesn’t really work. 

“Maybe it’s the way she walked…wow…”

_ He loves me.  I know he does. _

“Straight in to my heart and stole it.”

_ But what if Chris is able to convince him, change his mind. _

“Through the doors and past the guards…wow…”

_ What if they’re making up right now. _

His singing gets a little louder as the next thought pops into his head. 

_ They wouldn’t,  _ he audibly gulps,  _ like make-up shag with me in the next room, would they? _

He scrubs his hand over his face and rolls to face the wall.  He strains to try and catch any noise from the flat, but he doesn’t hear anything.  

_ Not thinking about it.  Not thinking about. I am absolutely not thinking about it.   _

He starts singing another song.

“Baby you light up my world like nobody else.  The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed.  But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell, you don’t know, oh oh, you don’t know you’re beautiful.”  

Eventually, the familiar words, which are muscle memory to him at this point, take over and the thinking quiets down.  Harry relaxes, settling in to the bed to ride out whatever comes next. 

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   * 

He makes it through five more of their songs before he is startled out of his daze by a creaking floorboard. 

Before he can turn around to see who it is he hears, “Harry?” 

“Hey Zayn.  What’s up?” Harry asks as he rolls over to face the door. 

Zayn looks at him quizzically and says “I was actually going to ask you the same question.  Whatcha singin’?”

Harry laughs as he sits up.  “Just this band I’ve been listening to a lot over the last...” he pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens the calculator.  He does the math while Zayn waits. “1337 days.”

Zayn’s eyes widen comically.  “Wow, okay. That is oddly specific you strange little duck.  What band is it?” 

“They’re called One Direction.  They, um, were on one of those singing competitions a while back.” 

“Never heard of them.  Are they any good?”

“Yeah, I think so.  Extremely talented guys.  They aren’t super popular or anything though.  They didn’t win the competition. Came in third I think.  It might be hard to find their music.”

“Cool.  I’ll have to try and find their music.”  Zayn sits down by him. “Why are you hiding in Niall’s room?”

Harry shrugs his shoulders and jokes, “Looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.”

Zayn snorts.  “I hear our resident leprechaun responds well to food.”

“I already made him brekkies this morning.  What more could he possibly want from me?” Harry whines. 

Zayn contemplates his question.  “Lucky Charms?”

“The key to any good leprechaun’s heart.”  Harry giggles. “I’m not hiding by the way.”  Zayn raises an eyebrow at him. “Okay, I’m not technically hiding.  I’m only avoiding the front room. Didn’t you hear the fight for Louis’ honor earlier?”                 

“Oh, I heard,” Zayn chuckles.  “It was quite the testosterone-fueled duel.  It sounded like you were two monkeys at the zoo flinging poo at each other.”

Harry lets out an indignant squawk.  “I am not a monkey and I certainly was not flinging my poo.  Chris on the other hand oozes shit when he opens his mouth.”

“To be fair man, you only think that because he is standing between you and Lou.  He is actually a pretty decent guy, and he has treated Louis really well.”

The implication of Zayn’s words is not lost on Harry.  “No, I know you’re right Z. I just feel like—I mean obviously I don’t like him but—it’s more than that.  I know I messed up big time. I want to make it better, but I don’t think Louis will listen to me when he has Chris whispering in his ear.”  Harry bites his lower lip, then blurts out, “if I’m being completely honest I’m…” He clenches his jaw and strains to say the word he is feeling, “jealous.”

He expects Zayn to be surprised.  Instead he puts an arm around Harry’s shoulders and says, “Tell me all about it duckling.”

“You guys all like him, right?”  Harry asks, and Zayn nods his head.  “And you guys don’t like prats.”

“Only best mates who temporarily turn in to prats,” Zayn says lovingly. 

Harry admires Zayn’s ability to call it like he sees it without sounding judgmental.  It never feels like Zayn is lecturing him when he comments on whatever is going on in Harry’s life.  He just points out the facts and moves on. Harry loves him, and his level-headedness.

“Ha.  Point taken,” Harry knocks Zayn’s knee with his own and finishes his thought.  “You guys wouldn’t be friends with a total prat, and Louis wouldn’t fall in lo—date one either.  Maybe I’m the one coming in between them. I screwed up and maybe I can’t fix it.”

“Harry, you can fix this.”  Harry purses his lips and shakes his head.  Zayn squeezes his knee to stop him. “Seriously H.  Listen to me for a second. Chris has been good for Lou, but he isn’t you.  No one is. Louis wouldn’t let it get so serious he would write you off altogether.”

“Chris asked Lou to move in with him, and—”  

Zayn interrupts him.  “Chris, what?”

“Yeah, Chris asked him to move in with him to get away from me.  Louis said no,” Harry says quickly to reassure Zayn. “But, what if he is right?  What if I’m the problem and this Louis would be better off without me. Earlier, I told Chris I would do whatever Louis wanted, and I will, because I just want him to be happy. It’s gonna hurt though, its gonna hurt so bad.”

“Whoa Haz, slow down.  You are overthinking this.  You will drive yourself crazy if you don’t take a breath.”  Zayn pats his back gently. “I don’t know if Chris is right.  I do know that the boys and I have watched you and Lou dance around each other since the beginning and we have always just been waiting for you two to get your shit together.”

Harry takes a few deep cleansing breaths.  They sit quietly lost in their own thoughts for a few minutes.  Finally, Harry asks, “What do I do Zayn?

“You are already doing the best thing you can Harry.  You are giving Lou the space he asked for to figure everything out.  Now you just need to trust him—”

Harry cuts in, “I do.  I trust him completely.”

Zayn watches him, waiting for any more interruptions.  Harry stays silent, so he continues, “Trust him with your heart Harry.  Louis isn’t innocent in all of this. I think everyone kind of forgets that because his mistakes were a bit quieter than yours.  You both hurt each other. If he had just told you all along how he felt pretty much all of this could have been avoided. He should have caught the way you changed whenever he brought Chris around, even when they were just friends.  You were both idiots.”

“Thanks Zaynie,” Harry says pulling him into a hug. 

“Any time you dork.  I gotta head to the library.  Do you wanna come?” Zayn asks as he heads out of the room.  He turns around as he reaches the door. 

“I think I’m good here.  I’m just gonna wait for Louis to get done talking to Chris.  He said he’d come and talk to me next. Thanks though.” Harry replies. 

Zayn catches his eye and winks at him.  “I say this as one of yours and Louis’ best mates, you don’t have anything to worry about Harry. Trust me.”  He waves goodbye and shuts the door behind him. 

_ Nothing to worry about.  I have nothing to worry about.   _ Harry hopes Zayn is right. _  Trust Louis.  He’s never let me down before.   _ He starts singing to distract himself again.  


	10. Darling, Don't Be Afraid

Harry manages to stop worrying about how long he’s been waiting for Louis, by getting lost in a haze of memories and lyrics.  He’s not asleep but he’s not awake either. Louis has always called it “twilight zoning,” that time and place where you have one foot in the real world and one in dreamland.

At some point, Niall comes barreling into the room startling him.  “Sorry bud. I just need my,” he grabs a leather jacket from his closet.  Harry recognizes it as his and clears his throat. “Fine, your leather jacket.  Got a date. How do I look?” Harry doesn’t say anything just grins at him dopily. “Good to see you’re so chatty, ya numpty.  I’ll just be going now. Stay as long as you want.” He breezes back out of the room, jacket slung over his shoulder, leaving the door wide open.

The ambient sounds of their flat lull Harry back into the twilight zone.  He can hear Zayn come home from the library at the same time he daydreams about their time on the X-factor, particularly their [ video diaries](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCZiiUkFHcM) .  _ God we were so young then _ .  Liam making dinner reminds him of “ [ chicken stuffed with mozzarella ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnAx-RyTd-Y) , wrapped in parma ham, with a side of homemade mash”.  Someone turns on an old episode of “Friends” in the front room and he listens until his mind wanders again and the music in his head takes over.     

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *  


“Harry?” His head snaps up at the sound of his name.  Louis is perched on the edge of Niall’s desk, body tense, eyes red and puffy, tear tracks leading down his cheeks.

He jumps up from the bed, shaking his head to clear it.  “Lou? Are you okay? What happened?” Harry approaches Louis nervously.  He doesn’t want to upset him, or make things worse, but the need to comfort him thrums through his veins.

“Can I hug you?  I really just want to hug you.”  Harry shakes his head in dismay at his own perceived selfishness.  “But this isn’t about what I want. Not at all. I don’t want you to be upset Louis, not ever.  I am so sorry I hurt you, keep hurting you.” He feels worn down, tired. He presses on though. “Whatever you need, I will do it.  Your happiness is so important to me. You have no idea how important.”

He takes a step closer to the desk but stops himself from reaching out.  He doesn’t want to force anything on Louis. “So so important Lou. The most important.  I just—”

“H.  I could really use a hug right now,” Louis says, voice barely a whisper.

Harry looks at it him intensely, searching his face for any sign Louis is just placating him, asking for a hug to make Harry, not himself, feel better.  He doesn’t find it though. All he sees is weariness, but underneath that, hopefulness, longing, and maybe even a spark of love. 

“Please,” Louis pleads.    

He steps forward until their knees are touching and wraps his arms around Louis.  It’s uncomfortable at first, Harry worrying about boundaries and Louis full of tension from the stress of the last few days, weeks, months.  Eventually, Louis begins to relax allowing Harry to hug him tighter. He isn’t hugging him back, but he sinks his body into Harry’s, allowing him to hold and support him.

“What were you singing?”  Louis breathes into his shoulder, the warm air moistening his skin through his shirt.    

“Hmm?” Harry rasps, lost in the moment.

Louis clears his throat.  “Before, when you were laying on Niall’s bed, I interrupted you.”

“Oh. That?  Just this thing I’ve been working on, a song,” he tells Louis, unsure where this headed.   

Louis hums low in his throat.  Harry can feel it in his chest.  “Does it have words, or just the music?”

“Um, it has words.  I’m not sure they’re complete yet but it’s all there up here.”  He taps his temple.

“Can you sing it for me?”  Louis murmurs.

Harry stumbles over what he wants to say, unnerved, “oh—yeah—sure—I can do that.”

Louis pulls back as far as Harry will allow and looks him in the eye, holding his attention, for the first time in a long time.  “It’s okay if you don’t want to Harry. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sure its private.”

“No Lou! I want to.  I’m just nervous. It’s not that it’s private so much as it’s really personal, close to my heart.  And—it’s kind of—maybe—about you,” he smiles self-deprecatingly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows.  Then firmly he declares, “It’s absolutely about you.”

They stare at each other for a few endless seconds unexpressed emotions shimmering in the air between them.  Harry reaches up with one hand to thumb the tears tracks off Louis’ cheeks. He looks tired, his eyes half closed.

“Nap time Lou.”  Harry takes his hand and leads him into the hallway.

Louis resists just enough to make him stop and turn around.  “We need to talk Harry.”

“I know we do, but you look exhausted.  If you want to talk right now, then of course we will.  Whatever you want. I think you should sleep first though.”  As he talks he gently guides them toward Louis’ room. “Lay down and take a nap.  When you wake up I’ll make you dinner and then we can talk.”

“Yeah okay.”  Louis yawns and follows Harry willingly.  “Sleep sounds nice. Food sounds good. Will you—” he stops and takes a deep breath, eyes falling shut.

A hint of a smile crosses Harry’s face and he says, “come on Lou.  Let’s rest. I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” They lay down, Louis pressed to his side.  He gently cards his fingers through the fringe on Louis’ forehead and starts  [ humming the melody to his unnamed song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-gj8dffUL8) , adding the words after he hums the first verse and chorus.

 

I've got scars even though they can't always be seen

And pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing

Pay attention, I hope that you listen 'cause I let my guard down

Right now I'm completely defenseless

For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart

For when you're lonely and forget who you are

I'm missing half of me when we're apart

 

Louis begins silently trembling next to him as he continues with  [ the song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6gR8kGkaOI) .  Harry stops, hand hovering over Louis’ back, wanting to comfort him but not wanting to push him too far, ruin something he knows is monumental.  He feels Louis’ tears falling against his neck and gives in to his instincts, slowly rubbing soothing circles on his arm.

“Oh Love,” Harry pulls him closer.  “Shhh. It’ll be alright, I promise.  I’m not going anywhere. I love you Lou.  No matter what, okay?”

Louis lets out a shuddery exhale and places his hand over Harry’s heart.  Tremulously he says, “Please keep going.” 

Even though he has tears in his own eyes, Harry would do anything for this boy, any version of him, so he continues the song infusing every word with as much love as he can.    

 

Now you know me, for your eyes only

For your eyes only

I can feel your heart inside of mine, I feel it, I feel it

I've been going out of my mind, I feel it, I feel it

Know that I'm just wasting time

And I hope that you don't run from me…..

 

He holds the last note for a few beats and then the room falls silent.  “Again. Please,” Louis sighs softly in his ear. Harry restarts the song.  He contemplates what he wants to name it while he sings. He’s thought about calling it “For Your Eyes Only,” but that title doesn’t feel quite right, like something is missing.      

Louis’ breathing gets shallow and he rests more of his weight against Harry’s chest.  He finishes the song and slowly tries to move out from under Louis. He doesn’t get far before Louis grips the front of his shirt and snuggles closer.

“No, don’t—” Louis trails off.

“Another song?”  Harry giggles lightly.

He feels Louis’ nod in his neck.  “Mmhhmm,” he exhales. Harry thinks for a minute and picks “ [ Truly, Madly, Deeply ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5EMaf-BXhA) .”

 

Am I asleep, am I awake, or somewhere in between?

I can’t believe that you are here and lying next to me…..

Truly, madly, deeply, I am

Foolishly, completely falling

And somehow you kicked all my walls in

So baby, say you’ll always keep me

Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you

In love with you…..

I hope I’m not a casualty,

I hope you won’t get up and leave

May not mean that much to you

But to me it’s everything, everything…..

 

Although he can tell, from the light snoring and small puffs of air hitting him in the face, Louis is asleep he wants to keep singing, so he does.  “Truly, Madly, Deeply” segueing into “ [ 18 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfPhwDP7Rew) .”

 

I got a heart

And I got a soul

Believe me I will use them both

We made a start

Be it a false one, I know…

He makes it most of one verse before his voice tapers off as he falls into a dreamless sleep, his heart full and feeling more content than he has in a long time.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *  


When Harry wakes up, he’s met with wide blue eyes and a gravelly voice.  “Hi.”

“Hi.”  He rasps back.  “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long. You were so warm I kept falling back asleep.  It’s still dark out so it’s either super late, or really early.”

Harry hums low in his throat, eyes slipping shut again.  

“Harry?”

“Yeah Lou?”  

“I don’t—want to um, ruin this lovely moment...”  Louis stammers. Harry cracks one eye open and looks down at him.

“But, we need to talk,” Harry finishes for him.  “Do you want me to make you breakfast first. I can go full English.  Or anything you want really.”

“Harry, breakfast sounds nice, but we need to talk.  If you still want to make me breakfast after hearing what I have to say I won’t say no.”

The butterflies in Harry’s chest start fluttering uncontrollably.  He’s so ready to move forward, passed all the tension and awkwardness.  He misses Louis, his love, but he misses Louis his friend even more. He hopes that after their talk they will be both, but somehow, last night while asleep, he came to terms with losing Louis his love while he also subconsciously resolved to keep Louis, his best friend.   

“I broke up with Chris.”  Louis blurts out. He releases a trembling breath and bites his lip.  He turns his head, hiding his face. “I did it the night after our fight.  I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t know what to do so I went over to his flat to, I guess, let him have his say too, since you got to have yours.  When he opened the door I just knew that I needed to break up with him.” He sounds shocked. His left foot starts bouncing nervously against Harry’s shin.  

Harry pats his back lightly.  The small bit of movement, contact, is meant to soothe Louis, but he hopes it will calm his racing heart as well.  

Louis continues, “I wasn’t sure why.  I hadn’t gone over there thinking I was going to do that, but when I saw him I just felt...done, you know?  It wasn’t because of you though Harry. It was just what I needed to do. I came back home about eight and crawled into bed with Zayn.  I was pretty useless after that.”

A throaty, choppy laugh escapes him.  “I told Z about everything and then I fell asleep.  I didn’t wake up until I heard Chris burst in to our flat.  I wasn’t going to respond. I just figured one of the others would calm him down, send him home, and I could talk to him later.  Then the yelling started, and I realized you were home. I know how both of you fight and while I sort of wanted to pop some popcorn and sell tickets to the show,” he smirks at Harry which lightens the air a bit, “I didn’t want either of you to...I don’t know, passive-aggressively riddle each other to death.”

Harry lets out an affronted growl just as Louis giggles and tugs on a strand of his hair. _  I will never not love this idiot. _

“I was coming to stop both of you but then I heard—you said—” out of the corner of his eye Harry sees Louis look up at him, his expression a mixture of fond and bashful. “You called me—your Louis and I couldn’t move after that.  I heard what both of you said, but I only listened to you. You called me your Louis, and I knew.”

Harry replays his argument with Chris in his head.   _ You don’t know that I have only ever loved one person.  I was sixteen, and a sixteen-year old shouldn’t know instantly that the boy they just met is the love of their life.  But I did. You don’t know what we, what my Louis and I, have been through, the battles we have had to fight to end up where we are.  To be married…my Louis and I.  _ He tries to form an apology for anything strange or embarrassing Louis may have heard and opens his mouth to tell him but what comes out instead is much simpler, straight forward.  “Knew what Lou?”

Louis looks up at him, eyes shining with unshed tears.  “I knew in that moment that I was your Louis. Probably always will be if you want me to, maybe even if you don’t.”

“I do want that babe.  I really, really do.” Harry pulls him closer and squeezes softly.

They lay tangled up, lost in their own thoughts until Louis unwraps himself from Harry’s arms and sits up, leaning against the wall.  He tucks his feet under Harry’s bum to keep them warm and starts picking at the duvet. “I think I know you do—” Harry starts to interrupt him.  “No Haz. You’ve had your turn. It’s my turn to talk and your time to just listen. Please. I need to get this out. Can you just let me talk?”

“Of course.”  He pats Louis knee to comfort him, then holds up a finger.  “But hold that thought. I’ll be right back.” 

Harry runs out of the room and returns a minute later with the blanket his Nan made him when he was six.  It’s Louis’ favorite, and he always hides it where he thinks Harry will never look. The hiding spot moves around but he finds it every time, sometimes accidentally, sometimes after a long time searching, but usually pretty quickly because for all his boldness his boy is incredibly predictable.  Each time he finds it, he uses it, and puts it back where Louis hid it so he’s none the wiser. He has the same blanket in the real world and they play the same cat and mouse game there as well.

Louis grabs his chest and gasps, offended.  “How did you find it? I hid it so well.”

“If by hid it well you mean under my bed in the box labeled blankets, then yep, you are a master hider.  I don’t think ‘hiding in plain sight’ works most of the time.” 

Louis stretches across the bed and grabs for the blanket.  Harry steps back, just out of reach, waving it in the air playfully.  “Who says it’s for you? It’s rude to assume Lou. It makes an ass out of you and me, and let’s be honest you don’t need any more arse.”  

Their peals of laughter fill the room until they can’t breathe, gulping in air greedily to try and fill their lungs.  It feels so good. Maybe it’s weird for the conversation they are having but laughing with Louis has always been one of this favorite things and it makes whatever is going to happen next seem easier.  

It takes a while, but eventually they calm down until one shared look starts them up again.  Louis laughs so hard he chokes. In his haste to save him from his obvious imminent death Harry trips and falls face first onto the hardwood floor.  They are both so stunned the room falls silent.

Harry gives a pained groan, the floor muffling it.  

“Harry—” —Louis hiccups, “Haz—are you—are you—oh my god—I literally can’t stop laughing.”  He clambers off the bed, nearly stepping on Harry, and rolls him over. Harry’s body goes limp, arms falling heavily at his sides, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.  

Louis shakes him roughly.  “NOOOOO!!!! HARRY!!!! Don’t quit on me.  You have so much to live for,” he cries dramatically.  “Come back. Harry, come back. It isn’t fair. He was too young to die.  What will I tell people?”

“Try CPR,” Harry whispers out the side of his mouth.  They both freeze at his words. It feels as if all the air has been sucked out of the room, replaced by electricity and heat.

“Shit no, Lou.  I didn’t mean it like that.”  He tries to sit up but a gentle hand on his chest stops him.  

Louis’ fingers trail delicately across Harry’s chest and up his neck, palm coming to rest on his jaw.  He can’t look away from Louis’ face, the butterflies in his chest reflecting back at him from his eyes.  He watches as Louis’ tongue darts out of his mouth, moistening his lips. He mirrors the action, Louis’ eyes darting down to follow his movements.

Harry reaches up to his jaw and grips Louis’ wrist.  He tenderly brushes his thumb along the thin skin and feels Louis’ pulse speed up.  The air around them is charged. Louis leans down, lips brushing over the edge of Harry’s mouth with barely the ghost of a kiss.  As he sits back up his hand drops from Harry’s jaw. Harry lets out a small whimper at the loss of contact. “We need to talk H. I don’t to want to kiss you—” Harry’s eyes widen, hurt.  Louis lets loose a small chuckle and shakes his head. “I don’t want to kiss you if we haven’t talked yet.” He stands up, using Harry’s chest for leverage, and holds out a hand to help him up off the floor.  Harry grasps it as he pops up. 

_ He doesn’t want to kiss me if we haven’t talked yet.  That means he wants to kiss me after we talk.  _ He can barely contain his hopeful anticipation.  As he sits on the bed he pats the spot next to him in a wordless invitation for Louis to sit. 

“I think I’ll stand,” Louis says as he starts pacing.  He rakes his fingers through his hair creating spikes. Harry’s eyes crinkle at the corners, his mouth giving an upward quirk as he stifles a laugh. Images of a baby hedgehog flit through his head.  Louis scowls at him, squinty eyes and pouty lips only adding to the illusion. 

Harry waits calmly for Louis to start talking.  After awhile of watching him pace Harry reaches out and grabs his hand, linking their fingers together.  “Lou, it’s just me, you and me. I know things have been…strange…lately but they don’t have to be anymore—”

Louis covers Harry’s mouth with his free hand. “Hush you gigantic tit.  It’s my turn innit?” He drops his hand from Harry’s mouth but keeps holding his hand.  “I love you and I want to be with you. I don’t know if I can trust what you say to me though, so I’m not sure this is going to work.”


	11. All Of My Doubt, Suddenly Goes Away

Harry bites down on his tongue so hard he winces, but he tries to keep his face neutral.  He promised he would let Louis talk _, no matter how hard it is to just listen._

Louis glares at him, his eyes flashing.  “Spit it out Harold.”

“No Lou, you asked me to listen.  I’m listening.”

“Oh good Lord, Harry just say what you need to say…”  Harry shakes his head no. “Harold…” Louis grits out, menacingly.

He releases a giant breath, his chest visibly deflating, and spills all the words he has been holding back.  “You can trust me Lou. I’m not the person I was six months ago, or even three weeks ago. I don’t know why I acted like I did but it will never happen again.”  His left leg starts bouncing, vibrating the bed. “I talked with Niall about everything because I wanted an outsider’s perspective. And after he told me what happened I think I understand a little better what my issues were.  When you’re ready I would like to tell you. I love you Louis, have since…the beginning. You changed my world.”

Louis looks shocked.  “Whoa mate that was a...mouthful.  Are ya done?” Harry nods. “Okay, now just listen.”  Harry nods so Louis continues. “You’ve changed my world too, Harry.  I’m not sure you know just how much. I meant what I said yesterday. I have been gone for you since you stumbled your way into my life.”  He chuckles.

“Remember?  That house party you and Niall came to with Liam?  Your pissed arse spilled your drink all over me. Luckily you were cute, and it turns out, one of the friends Liam had been blathering on and on about for the entire term. I’m glad it was you.  Seemed meant to be almost. Everything felt monumental, like, I don’t know, time stopped, as you watched your nasty red concoction drip down my shirt. I wanted to be mad at you, but I looked up and that was it.”  A burst of laughter escapes him. “I was a goner. Then time started again. You said ‘oops.’ I said ‘hi’ and the last two years of our lives happened.”

Harry beams at Louis, happiness and love shining from his face.   _This world’s Louis and Harry’s first words were oops and hi._  Any tension he had still been feeling drains out of him.  The familiar words a balm to his over excited nerves.

All of his anxiety seems to have suddenly transferred to Louis though.  He’s rigid, face stormy. “So, can you tell me what happened nine months ago to change you from my best friend to…whatever this is—was—whatever this between us was—is.”  

Harry swallows with an audible gulp and says, “Well Niall told me that when I went home to Holmes Chapel I started hanging out with some mates from secondary and—”

“Why does Niall have to tell you anything?  Pretending you don’t know why you became such a gigantic fuckwit isn’t going to work Harry.”  Louis sighs angrily. “This is the reason I am worried I can’t trust you. You seem to want to either pretend nothing happened or fake some sort of amnesia.”

They sit in strained silence, neither knowing what to say.  The quiet is interrupted by a small knock.

Zayn opens the door and peeks into the room.  “I’m sorry to wake you up Lou—oh—you’re awake.”  He looks startled when he sees Harry. “Hi H.”

“Hi Zayn.”  Harry gives him a small wave.

“Whatcha need Zayner?”  Louis asks impatiently.

“I came to see if you wanted to get lunch later today.  But, if you’re busy don’t worry about it. I just thought we could have a best mate check-in. Maybe we don’t need one though, huh?”  Zayn’s voice ticks up with excitement and he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Louis huffs in irritation.  “I don’t even know what time it is.”

“7:45.”  Zayn replies.

Louis thinks for a minute, staring out the window, before accepting his invitation.  “Lunch sounds good. I’ll meet you at the statue at what, noon?”

“Noon, yeah.  Noon sounds good.  You should come too Harry?”  Zayn suggests.

Harry looks at Louis to gauge his reaction before answering.  He looks tired but not troubled by Zayn’s offer. He decides to decline anyway.  “I actually have class at noon, so I am a no go. Thanks though.”

“Of course.  Louis, I’ll see you then.”  He wiggles his eyebrows at them one more time and leaves.

Louis sucks in a deep breath and then slowly blows it out through his nose.  “You have one chance to explain everything Harry. Only one. Don’t screw it up, please.”  He begs. “I really don’t want you to screw it up.”

 Harry doesn’t know the real reason they are in this situation, but he settles on what he knows about himself, and how he possibly would have acted, to answer the question.  “When I went home to Holmes Chapel I missed everyone, but especially you, so much. I didn’t really know what to do with myself. It was a bit shocking to go from living in each other’s back pockets for…so long, to not seeing you at all.”

“But it was only a month Harry.” Louis sounds frustrated.  “And, I missed you too, so much. I mean we talked every day for the first two weeks.  Then you sort of ditched me, I guess.” His shoulders slump in disappointment and he frowns at his lap.

A feeling of embarrassment turns Harry’s cheeks pink.  His voice thickens. “I was such a mess Lou, and I know that’s probably pathetic or whatever.  I should be able to survive without my mates for a month, right? But you have always been more than just my mate.”

Harry knows he sounds desperate, maybe even a little whiny.  He left his real life feeling about the same way he does now. Missing Louis feels a bit all-consuming a lot of the time.  In the real world he and Louis are used to being apart. It’s a part of their job, sometimes a forced and unwelcome part, but they make it work.  Not long after they became more than just best mates and band members they instituted the two-week rule, and they have managed to stick to it until the forced LA/London separation.

With no end to their being split-up in sight, Harry sort of lost it the morning he fell asleep and then woke up here.  Being close to another version of Louis but unable to be with him; being in a body that doesn’t feel quite right and not living his real life has been difficult to deal with.  

He and Louis can survive without each other.  They are still happy even when they aren’t together.  They have different friends and different interests. They lead full lives.  Being together though, makes everything brighter, fuller, that much better. If his cup is full without seeing and touching Louis every day, then he absolutely needs a swimming pool to hold all the happiness he has when they are together and even then it would most likely overflow.  He has learned it isn’t opposites that attract, it’s complements, and he and Louis complement each other so well it’s almost scary sometimes.    

“I can survive without you, but I don’t really want to if I don’t have to.  I’m sorry I screwed up so royally,” Harry says unhappily. “I just missed you.  That’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation and not a very good one, I know, but it is the only one I have.”

He looks over at Louis, pausing to see if he wants to say anything.  A sort of peace and quiet fills the room and he stays silent listening to the ticking of the clock for a minute. When Louis doesn’t look at him, or start to talk, Harry carries on with his explanation. “After I grew up a bit—”

“Pulled your head out of your arse you mean?”  Louis teases under his breath.

“Haha, yeah.”  Harry gives him a small lopsided grin.  “When I finally pulled my head out of my arse, I really hoped that maybe you felt the same way I did, but then I saw Chris that one night.”

“What one night?”  Louis eyebrows knit together in confusion.

Harry thinks about the things Niall told him yesterday morning.  “The night you were sick and everyone went to the pub. I couldn’t sit there, without you, knowing you were here, being miserable and lonely so I came home.  I saw Chris leaving and when I finally worked up the courage to come up here you looked sick, but happy.” He rests his head on one hand and rubs at his temple.

“Chris had obviously taken care of you, which was sort of…my job I guess and I—um—I gave up hope.  I figured I was too late. After that I started thinking that every time you were concerned about me and my…behavior…you were only doing it because you felt obligated as my best mate.”

Louis rolls his eyes.  “Your exact words were, ‘I can’t be in love with you Louis. It’s too hard. You are my best mate and I love you, but we want different things. Now can you stop smothering me? I don’t need that type of love.’  What did you mean if you didn’t mean you would never love me…how I love you?”

“I can’t tell you exactly what I meant six months ago only what I think I meant.” Harry is cautious.  “I was angry and upset, and at face value my words seem terrible,” he holds up his hand when Louis tries to interrupt.  “They were terrible. I know that. But think about it like this Lou, I have been in love with you the entire time we’ve known each other and I was certain, six months ago, that you did not love me back in the same way. Wanting you, loving you, was so hard because of that.”

His emotions start to get the best of him.  He’s not sad. He’s oddly at peace, but this new life is overwhelming, and he can’t always contain everything he is feeling.  “I thought we wanted different things out of our friendship. My anger got the best of me and I told you I didn’t want ‘that type of love’”.

“I love you as my best mate, of course I do, and if this ends with me at least having you back like that I will be happy, but I love love you.  I mean the sort of love that only happens once in a lifetime, and not just in the lifetime of the person in love, but in the entire world. Most people never come close to what we…could be.”

“Haz—” Louis turns his whole body so he is facing Harry’s side and lays his forehead against his shoulder.  “How did we mess this up? Nine months wasted. Hell, two years wasted. I should have just grabbed you and never let go that first night.”

Harry reaches over and cups the back of Louis’ head, breathing in the scent of him.  A thick blanket of peace settles around them. The sounds of their flatmates filter in through the cracks around the door.

“Come on Fishy Fish, come eat your brekkies.”  Meowing and cat food hitting the bowl follow. “I know silly kitty.  You’ll get the yummy wet stuff later.”

“Hey Li, have you seen my code writing notebook...No not that one the green one.  Never mind I found it.”

The front door handle jiggles.  “Zed, we gotta go. We’re gonna be late.”

“We have a half an hour babes.  We won’t be late.” A rucksack thumps on the couch followed by the rustling of paper.

Loudly from outside the bedroom door, “does anyone know where Harry is?  He was in my bed when I left last night but I haven’t seen him since.”

“Nope haven’t seen him.  Maybe he had an early class…”

“You know he doesn’t have any early classes.  What are you talking about? You know something Zayn.  I know you do. What is it? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”  They hear bodies crashing into the couch. Then a muted struggle.

“Knock it off you crazy Irishman.  I know nothing. Except maybe he and Lou are finally working things out.”  Someone hits the floor.

“WHAT?  You knew this and you didn’t think to tell us?  I fuggin’ hate you. I’m leaving for work. I’ll be there until twelve.  If you find out anything else you had better let me know. HEY HARRY IF YER HERE I HOPE IT ALL WORKS OUT.  YOU TOO LOU. GET YER ACTS TOGETHER SO THE WORLD WILL BE RIGHT AGAIN YA IDIOTS. LOVE YOU BOTH.”

“Niall stop shouting!  But yeah, BYE BOYS!”

“Li, you just shouted louder than I was.”

“Nope not possible.”

Harry and Louis both start shaking with silent amusement, Louis’ head bouncing against Harry’s shoulder with each exhale. They hear the front door close, then three pairs of footsteps pound down the first flight of stairs. Once it is quiet again, the only sound their small bursts of laughter, both let out noisy raucous guffaws.

“Oh—oh—my—holy hell I can’t—I can’t breathe.”  Louis falls over in to Harry’s lap, wheezing. Harry snorts which sends Louis into deeper fits of hysterics.     

“I think it’s you who’s cracked babe.”

Suddenly Louis falls silent, serious.  “I’ve missed you Harry. I’ve missed you so much.”

He pushes on Harry’s chest gently laying him back onto the bed, straddling his hips.  The heat flowing between them should feel oppressive, but it doesn’t. As he bends down to kiss Harry he grinds their pelvis’ together, long moans escaping both of them.  As they make eye contact they smile self-consciously. Harry reaches up and brushes the hair out of Louis’ eyes. Louis leans down and gives Harry a hug.

The feeling in his stomach is the same one he had all those years ago when he and Real Louis were first falling in love.  He had never considered the possibility they would ever have to fall in love again because he knew they would never not be in love. He feels almost giddy with the knowledge that he is getting to do this all again. He knows most people fall in love multiple times in their life but very few get to do it how he is.  

“‘A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous,’” Harry breaths against Louis’ neck.

“Wha—what?"  Louis stutters his breath rushing across the top of Harry’s head.

Harry pushes Louissso he sits up a little and cups his cheek, his thumb caressing his cheekbone.  “It’s a quote from Ingrid Bergman. ‘A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.’ I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve said enough words for now.  I’d really like to keep kissing you.”

“Kissing.  Yes more—yes.  More of that, please.  Kissing is good.” Louis slots their lips together.

“Lou,” Harry says as he stops the kiss, the confidence he had a few seconds overpowered by his fear of disturbing the tentative place they have found themselves in.  Louis lets out a small needy whine. “Louis are you sure? We can finish talking if you want.”

Louis looks bewildered.  “I’m done talking.” Grabbing the front of Harry’s shirt tightly he pulls him into a burning kiss.  It’s nothing like their real life first kiss which was made up of awkward presses of lips, clashing teeth and not knowing where to put his hands.  Nor is like their first kiss from a few days ago which was cautious with just a hint of what could be. This one is based on experience, him with his Louis, and this Louis with...other people.  He refuses to think about that though, instead focusing on how he knows Louis likes to be kissed, soft yet firm, gentle but unyielding.

Kissing Louis has always been Harry’s favorite thing to do.  It’s more than just an verb to him, more than just something he does.  Kissing Louis, it’s a feeling, a complete emotion all its own. It’s so good Harry doesn’t even think he could come up with a definition.  He’s tried. He keeps trying. The closest he could probably get is some version of happiness, covered in contentment, dipped in euphoria, slathered in love.  It feels like coming home.

Louis’ mouth is so fucking good.   _If I ever have to go without this again i don’t think I’ll survive._ He feels hands creep into his hair, tugging just a little.  A deep, uncontrollable moan escapes from the back of his throat.   _Well, that still happens._ He can’t help but break away to let out a small breathy laugh.    

“Interesting,” Louis smirks.  “I’ll have to keep that in mind.”   

Harry buries his face in Louis’ neck.  “Ah babe don’t be embarrassed,” Louis tries to soothe him, his tone of a voice a direct contradiction to the slightly rough tug he gives the curls at the nape of Harry’s neck.  

Harry nuzzles further in and nips at the tender skin in the juncture between Louis’ neck and his shoulder.  He bites a little harder than he normally would, making Louis squeak. He soothes the sting with a small peck and pulls back.  “Oh I wasn’t embarrassed. I just wanted to share the experience.”

Louis shakes his head and squints his eyes fondly at Harry. “And everyone says I’m the menace.”   

He rolls off of Harry and stretches out next to him.  They lay in content silence for what could be minutes or hours.  Harry’s never sure how much time passes when he’s with Louis.

“I feel like maybe this is the point in all of this where we agree to never be so stupid again.”

Harry rolls on to his side so he can look at Louis.  “I agree,” he says.

“I mean we wasted so much time. I hurt you and I—”

“We hurt each other Lou.  I think this was all some sort of alternate realities way of trying to prove a point to us, probably to me more than you.  I’m the one who really fucked this up and I will never be more sorry for anything in my life.”

Louis reaches over and cups his cheek. “Hey, no.  I was wrong too. I should have talked to you. Let’s just call this mutually assured destruction and move on, okay? We have to communicate from now on though.”

Harry nods his head once, using the momentum to lean forward and kiss Louis.  “I will never not talk to you again,” he murmurs against Louis’ lips.

They lay next to each just breathing the same air until Harry starts to feel like he is drifting off.  He doesn’t want to sleep though. He wants to spend as much awake time with Louis as he can. Having him this close again makes the pieces of Harry, that had been missing, fall back into place.        

“Hey Lou,” he whispers in case Louis has fallen asleep.  Louis grunts in acknowledgement and snuggles closer. “Wanna go somewhere?  Do something?”

“Harold, are you asking me on a date?  Because I would love to go on a date with you as long as we are done by 11.  I need time to make meself pretty for me date with Zayn. ”

Harry elbows him in the side.  “No you twat. Well I mean, yes, I was asking if you wanted to go on a date with me, but I think I’ve changed my mind.  I’d rather just take myself to breakfast and enjoy my own company.”

“Only you would enjoy your own company enough to date yourself darling.” Louis teases as he sits up.  “You could probably get yourself to fall in love with you as well.”

“I’ve been told it's easy to fall in love with me.  [Something about my curls and my smell, ](https://twitter.com/Louis_Tomlinson/status/178135369374633984) I think.  I mean they worked on you didn’t they?”

Louis’ face goes soft as he studies Harry.  “That they did. I do you know. Love you.  We should probably talk some more, that's what everyone would say anyway. BUT, I don’t really think we need to.  I just want to move forward from here. Is that okay?”

Harry reaches up and cradles Louis’ cheek.  “Of course it is, love. I love you too, Louis.  More than I think anyone can even comprehend.”

“I just have three questions I need answers to and then I’m all yours.”  If Louis notices the way Harry tenses up he doesn’t show it. “First question.  Where are we going for breakfast?”

Harry’s shoulders sag with relief and he chuckles.  “How about Albion’s or Bea’s?”

“Mmmm...Bea’s it is.  Second question, related to the first so let’s actually call it question one part b.  Will you buy me a cupcake as well as breakfast?”

“I don’t know Lou.  I mean this is our first date.  Are cupcakes customary for a first date?”  Louis gasps, offended. Harry rubs his arms soothingly.  “Of course I’ll buy you a cupcake baby. I’d buy you a cupcake in every country in the world.”  

“You are going to be the best boyfriend." Louis pauses when he realizes what he said. “I mean you’re okay with that, right. That title?  Boyfriend?”

What Harry wants to say is, “well considering my real life version of you is actually my husband I’m not okay with the term boyfriend.  But since you aren’t that version of him, I’ll just have to wait a few years to call you that, and in the meantime, I will call you my boyfriend.” What he says instead is “I want nothing more in this world than to call you my boyfriend.”  He kisses the tip of Louis’ nose. “That’s sort of a waste of a second question though don’t you think?”

 Louis smirks and shrugs his shoulders.  “We both know you’ll let me ask all the question I want so why pretend otherwise?  Now Harold, I need to get serious for a minute so stop trying to distract me.” He waits a few moments for Harry to stop smiling at him like a lunatic and then says.  “In all seriousness, plus a little bit because I am starving and want to go eat breakfast, but mostly because this is important life altering stuff, can you forgive me for the way I have been treat—”

Harry starts to interrupt “No Lou.  Stop. There isn’t—”

“Harry please.  I really need to finish these next two questions and then this can just be a thing of the past.”  Harry doesn’t try to say anything else so Louis continues. “Thank you. I need to know that you can, or have, or will, or whatever, forgive me for the way I treated you the last few months.  I know you think it was all your fault but it wasn’t. I knew something was wrong months ago, after the break, and I just tried to sweep it under the rug. I pretended like it wasn’t happening when really I should have just talked to you about it, but I didn’t want to push you away.”       

He hurries to finish because he knows Harry wants to interrupt.  “you didn't make me feel like I needed to be scared of you or of losing you, that was all in me own head.  I convinced myself if I pushed to hard you would walk away, which wasn’t fair to you. I didn’t even give you the chance. It also wasn’t fair the way I made you feel after our fight.  Again, I knew you were hurting and I knew it was me who was hurting you but my stubbornness and my own pain...clouded my judgement.” Even though he’s wasn't crying his voice was thick with emotion and he choked on it a little as he said the last part out.  

“I am so sorry Harry.  I'm just so so sorry.”  

“Louis you don’t even have to ask if I forgive you but since you did, and I know it is important to you, I forgive you.  Always.”

Harry has seen the look that crosses Louis’ face so many times he doesn’t think he can remember them all, but, he has never really seen it in circumstances like this.  It worries him. Louis sets his shoulders and his eyes shift to steel.

Harry knows it’s a look created from fear, the sort of fear that happens when whatever is coming could either make or break them.  Nothing has ever broken them, he and his Louis, but this is a different Louis and this Louis doesn't know them like Harry does. He holds his breath and waits. Where Louis becomes hard and unyielding during times like this _(how did I not know we were in a time like this?)_ Harry becomes soft and floaty, like if he drifts above it all he can hopefully pass it by and get to the other side.  The beauty of what they have is that Louis confronts everything head on and while, to an outsider, it may look like Harry doesn’t care as much or work as hard to fight, the truth is that by floating along above the mess he can see things Louis can’t   

“Harry,” Louis begins.  “Harry, I love you, like genuinely love pretty much everything about you.  Even the things I don’t love so much I wouldn’t change because they make you, you, and so I love them.  But, things have been...rough since last summer.”

Harry isn’t holding his breath any more.  He isn’t scared of the look on Louis’ face.  He doesn’t need to drift along above it all trying to figure it out.  He knows exactly what he is going to say to Louis because he can see things Louis can’t.  He has knowledge Louis doesn’t.

Harry snaps out of his thoughts when he hears Louis say, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but Chris helped.  He made me feel even just a little bit better, you know.”

Louis is right, he doesn’t want to hear about Chris but he understands what Louis is saying, and he is thankful for it.  Chris took care of Louis when Harry couldn’t. He’s here now though and Louis will never doubt how he feels again.

He holds his hand up to get Louis to stop.  “You can finish what you need to say. I am here to listen to all of it, but I just have to say, right now, I love you.”  

“I love you too Harry.”  Louis relaxes his back a bit.  “I never stopped, but, I was sort of beginning to think that maybe I could be okay without you, because honestly, you were miserable to be around.  Then a few weeks ago, it was like you came back to me. And, I don’t know what happened but honestly since then things have been so much harder because nothing had really changed. Except everything had sort of changed.”  Louis scratches at the back of his head in frustration. Harry reaches over to smooth down the chunks he’s left sticking up.

Louis smiles at him wistfully. “I still thought you didn’t love me, but here you were, my Harry, again.  That night you made me dinner, I was so angry because I had woken up that morning knowing things were about to change and there would be no going back. I was going to lose Chris because even if you weren’t mine, and I would never have you the way I wanted, I wanted my best friend more and that couldn't happen if Chris was still in my life. ”  

Louis’ face, which has softened the longer he talked, hardens again.  This time, instead of fear though, Harry knows it’s conviction. This time the look means “no matter what happens going forward I have said and done everything I can and that is all that matters.”  Harry loves this look.

“This, what we are right now, this is it for me.  You are it for me but I need to know that I am it for you. So, third and final question. Harry Styles, you are the love of my life.  There will never be anyone else for me, but, am I it for you?”

“In every city.  In every country.  In every world. In every universe, reality, whatever, I will always love you.  You will always be it for me Louis.”

He grips both sides of Louis’ face and without blinking says, “there is no one, anywhere, who comes even close to you my love.  I am sure that there are other versions of you out in the cosmos, just like there are other versions of me, and I know that once they find each other, another piece of infinity clicks into place.”

They stare at each other for a few second before Louis leans forward and kisses Harry fiercely.  Harry swears he hears something snap and then the air changes. _Another piece of the universe fitting in right where it belongs._


	12. Colors and Promises

From: The Boo Bear of My Life:

\----------April 10, 2015----------

8:22 AM: Hi babe.  How was yoga?

8:36 AM: I am going to assume you didn’t get up.

9:18 AM:  Come on sleepy head.  It’s time to rise and shine.

10:01 AM: Wow.  You must be tired.  Payno and I are going to get something to eat. Call me when you finally drag your lazy arse out of bed.  Love you. 

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

The silence is what wakes Harry up.  Living in a four bedroom flat with four other boys, Harry has learned over the last few weeks, is never quiet.  He’d gotten quite used to the noise though, and he loves knowing he has almost all his favorite people close by.  He rolls over to snuggle up to Louis, mindful of the fact that the twin bed they shared last night did not allow for much movement without fear of Louis ending up on the floor.  Louis isn’t in bed though is the second thing he notices. The third thing is that the bed he is in is way too big to be a twin. 

He sits up and looks around and even with sleep blurry eyes he can tell he isn't in his bed.  Only he sort of is. He’s in his and Louis’ bed, in LA, in the real world. He blindly reaches for his phone on the floor where he remembers plugging it in the night before because the ancient thing didn’t have a cord long enough to reach the nightstand.  _ I am getting a new phone as soon as I wake up. _

He smacks his forehead on the corner of the way too large nightstand Louis insisted they get when they furnished their LA house because of _all the crap he just has to have within his reach. _He winces and sits up, trying to simultaneously fix the pain in his head and rub the sleep from his eyes.__ _ __ I can not do this again.   
_ __

____

Before he gives in to the panic bubbling up in his chest, he tries to think of the last thing he can remember.  He remembers plugging in his phone last night, then rolling over so Louis could climb into bed with him. Louis snuggled up to him, kissed him on the back of the neck, and they both fell sound asleep.   _ Maybe I’m dreaming.  This would definitely be the second weirdest dream I’ve ever had. _

__

The quiet is interrupted by loud banging. “Yo Styles, where ya at?  Lou’s worried about you. Says he’s been trying to text you all morning and you haven’t responded.  He called and made me drag my sorry jetlagged arse here instead of to my house, where my bed is, and where I can sleep the time difference off,” someone outside the room yells as they bang on the door.  __

__

_ Was that an Irish accent?   _ “Niall?” he calls out.

__

“Who the fuck else would it be? Now can we stop shouting and you tell me if it’s safe to come in?”  The voice, apparently Niall, hollers. “Be a civilized person and make sure you’re fully clothed before you tell me I can come in please.”  

__

The room falls silent again. Harry lays there trying to work out what is happening. Just as he finally works up the courage to climb out of the bed, he hears Niall call softly, “please let me in  I really just want cuddles and sleep.”

__

Harry’s gaze wanders around the room for a few more minutes but all he manages to do is confuse himself even more. 

__

Weak banging starts up on the door again, just as a phone sings  [ “They’re magically delicious” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMD6t9MGFGs) next to him;  _ Ah, a real phone.  At least this is promising _ . He thumbs in his passcode and sees notifications for 32 text messages.  The most recent is from Niall. He figures he should deal with that one first.  

__

From: The Irish One

__

\----------April 10, 2015----------

__

12:25 PM: Dude seriously.  I can hear you moving around.  Please let me in. I need some Tylenol...so much easier to type and say than parace...fuck it.  And sleep.  I need sleep.  I am so jetlagged.  

__

 

__

Harry groans as he climbs out of bed.  “I’m coming. I’m coming,” he shouts. “Give me a minute.” 

__

His phone sings again.  

__

 

__

12:28 PM:  Fuck you. I hate you.  I’m going to the guest room.  You should let Lou know you’re okay you wanker.  Do not wake me until dinner. Which you will be making.  It better be Chicken Tikka Masala and bread pudding.  Goodnight. 

__

 

__

12:30 PM:  Ps...glad you’re okay.  You have some splainin’ to do tonight.  Love you. 

__

 

__

He scrubs at his eyes trying to get rid of the remnants of sleep that seem to be clouding his thoughts.  The all to familiar panics starts to squeeze his chest again.  _ Get it together Styles.  There is no Louis here to save you right now.  This could be worse. You could be stuck somewhere new.   _

__

Objectively he knows his inner monologue is right.  He is apparently home, in the real world, with his real world people.  Which is good.  _ It’s good.  Right? _  If it’s so good then why does he feels like he wants to cry just a little.   _ A lot.   _ He decides he needs to call Louis.  He picks up his phone, not even bothering to read all his messages, and thumbs across Louis’ contact information.

__

It barely rings once before he hears “Harry?  Oh my god. Are you okay? I know it’s only be a few hours but you said you were going to get up and then you wouldn’t respond. Niall says that you are home but that you wouldn’t come out of the room. What is going on? Babe? I’m sort of freaking right now.”  

__

“Lou,” Harry chokes out.  “Louis I don’t know what is going on but I’m scared.”  He can tell he’s starting to hyperventilate. He knows he needs to calm down but he can’t seem to get his brain to make sense of anything right now.     

__

“Lou, I-I’m - so confused. I think I am stuck in a dream. Or was stuck in a dream.  I don’t even know. I can’t…”

__

“Harry,” Louis says sternly, with total control.  “I need you to take a deep breath for me babe. Not too deep, remember, just enough to fill your lungs and then let it out.  I need to hear you Harry.”

__

Harry closes his eyes and breathes in deep.  “Good. That’s enough. Now let it out.” He hears Louis’ soothing voice in his ear.  “Another one...good. Now let it out.” 

__

Their conversation goes on like this for five minutes.  Once he can tell that Harry has calmed down enough to think a little straighter Louis says, “Baby I am going to facetime you.  I’m gonna hang up and call you right back. Please answer. Please.” 

__

Louis’ pleading is what really snaps him out of his panicked stupor.   _ Lou should never be scared because of me.   _

__

“Babe?  Are you still there?”

__

“I’m here Lou.  I’m okay. We can hang up.  I’ll answer. Don’t worry.”

__

They hang up and he only has to wait 10 seconds before his phone starts ringing.  He accepts the facetime call and is greeted with the face he loves most in all the world.   _ Any and every universe _ .  

__

Louis starts right in.  “Do you have a fever?” Harry’s heart feels lighter as he shakes his head no.  “No visible bumps on the head. No bleeding.” 

__

“I haven’t hit my head babe.” Then he remembers, “well actually I whacked my forehead pretty good on the stupid nightstand but that was only a few minutes ago.  I’m fine. Physically. Emotionally, I’m not sure what’s going on.”

__

“Oh babe.  I know this is hard.  It gets harder every day for me too.  Most of the time I want to just say fuck it and fly home to you, but it’s only a few more days, and then we will be back together.”  Louis looks at him through the small screen, the kitchen in their London home lit up behind him, and gives him a thumbs up. 

__

Harry mirrors their secret "I love you" and says “I don’t think its just missing you Boo.  I mean it is but I also miss, different you.”  

__

“Different me?  What are you on about Harry?  Are you sure you didn’t knock something loose when you hit your head?” 

__

“I had the weirdest dream this morning Lou.  Only I don’t think it was a dream. I think it was real.  I think I went somewhere else for a while and now I am back.  I mean I’m glad I am back, because this is where I belong, but I miss this other place.  I went to sleep there, with him, and I woke up here, without you.” 

__

Harry can see the steel in Louis’ eyes through the screen. “You went to sleep with him?” His voice is strained.  

__

“What?  Oh yeah.  Wipe that look off your face baby.  I went to sleep with you...different you...When I woke up in this other place there was this version of you. We weren't together. We were... Idiots. But, it was hard and it hurt but we ended up together in the end.  I think I’m just scared of what is happening there now. I don’t want him to hurt. I don’t want to disappear on him.” 

__

“Haz, can you slow down and start at the beginning for me?”  Louis asks. The phone jostles for a minute as he gets comfortable on their sofa.  

__

Harry starts at the beginning and tell him everything.  Waking up in a different room. Chris. The boys. Uni. All the fights.  Every single tear. Falling in love with that Louis. All of it. 

__

An hour later he reaches the end.  He’s had Louis’ rapt attention the entire time.  “I didn’t think I was ever going to leave there, wherever there was.  I know it’s strange, and maybe I am a nutter. Who knows.” 

__

“Babe.  You aren’t a nutter.  I don’t know what happened.  But it was real, even if it was only real to you.  I don’t know how to process it all. I’m feeling...strange that you loved someone else...even if that someone else was ‘me’.  But that part almost makes the most sense. If I were sent to an alternate reality I would always find you, and always fall in love with you.”

__

Harry is relieved.  “How did I get so lucky to find the one person who will always believe in me?”  

__

Louis smiles at him sweetly "The fates smiled upon you 1722 days ago my love. They smiled on me too though. So tell me Harold...was I any good?” 

__

“Lou, this is serious” Harry whines, “I am not talking about that.  Nothing really happened. I told you that. Just some kissing. And kissing not you, even though it was you, was different.  Not bad different. Not good different. Just different.”

__

“Is my baby blushing?’ Louis teases, even though he’s blushing a bit himself.  “You’re cute when you blush. I don't know how to feel about you kissing someone else. I mean he was me. But he wasn't. I'm jealous. But I'm also not. Geez babe. How did you deal with the confusion for so long. I'm exhausted after the last hour.” 

Harry just stares at him. They go quiet for a minute, both lost in their own thoughts 

__

“In all seriousness though Haz, I know you’re worried about that me…”

__

“And that me...honestly.  I don’t know what happened to him while I was there. What if he didn't make it back? What if he was still an asshole if he did? I hope he doesn’t fuck up what happened between us.”  

__

“I know you’re worried about that me, and that you.  But maybe the whole point of this was to help them get their shit together.” Louis shrugs.  “I don’t know, because I wasn’t there, but it seems to me that we are the kings of getting our shit together. Even when everyone thought we were too young, or it would never last, blah blah blah.”  He waves his hand dismissively as he rolls his eyes.  [ Only Louis Tomlinson could roll his eyes so effectively through a tiny phone screen.   ](https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=sKjMTgcp&id=EA6E10227745B2ED681BD93D8B17BE07C16359D4&thid=OIP.sKjMTgcpR31ppAKx3mdRdgHaGp&mediaurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsugarscape.cdnds.net%2F14%2F46%2F1415630547-louiseyeroll.gif&exph=220&expw=245&q=Louis+tomlinson+rolling+his+eyes&simid=608052331510956222&selectedindex=2&ajaxhist=0&vt=0)

__

“We are the experts on each other and about us.  You fixed it between them. And you were able to see that it doesn’t matter where in the cosmos we end up we will always find each other.”

__

"You're right boo. I just need to trust that it all worked out. I mean it worked out for us so it will work out for them."

Louis yawns.  “ [ Today has been such a busy week for us ](https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=ZqQ4hx2n&id=4B25BCE06989CEF1DC8DF719A1D35FB0DC7CFF1B&thid=OIP.ZqQ4hx2nDbHbbwZO9vZv2AHaEO&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2f33.media.tumblr.com%2f0cb5018e0fefad057da423bac5bde827%2ftumblr_inline_nriqtofmLM1r1e8x1_500.gif&exph=285&expw=500&q=Today+has+been+a+long+week+for+us+Niall+Horan+&simid=608054075265977226&selectedIndex=2&ajaxhist=0) .  I’m knackered.  It’s early, but I think I am going to go bed.  Are you okay Haz? Really? I will get on a plane and come home.  No questions asked.” 

__

“I’m good Boo.  You really helped me figure some things out.  Go to bed. Have sweet dreams...but try not to travel to alternate realities.  It isn’t nearly as fun as it sounds like it should be.”

__

Louis scoffs. “Trying to save all the fun for yourself.  I see how it is Styles...Tomlinson. Alright, I love you.  Call me before you go to bed. Li and I are writing with Bulian tomorrow.  I’ll probably have something for you to listen to by tomorrow night.”

__

“I can’t wait.  I love you...in every reality in the universe.”

__

Harry falls back on to his pillows as he hangs up.  He thinks Louis is right. He helped those two crazy kids in love get it right and that feels pretty great.

__

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *  


__

When he falls asleep that night, after making Niall his “I’m sorry for scaring you and making your jet lag worse because I live so much further from LAX and you had to drive all the way out here to check on me because I am a dumb wanker and can’t be arsed to answer my phone” meal, he feels a contentment he hasn’t felt in months.  

__

If he dreams about a different version of himself and Louis waking up in a tiny twin sized bed wrapped around each other, and then eating leftover cupcakes from the day before, only he needs to know about it.  Maybe he’ll tell Louis. He doesn’t need to let the universe know though. She already knows she got it right...about a million times. But that’s a dream for another day. 

__


End file.
